Live: Jyllian Clarke: Live and Lead with Confidence, Purpose, and Authenticity
Join me live with Jyllian Clarke as we discuss the power of self discovery, building confidence so that you show up Authentically you!
Jyllian Clarke is an executive coach who’s passionate about helping people lead and live with authenticity. She’s the author of Pure Excellence: The Joy in Finding You and the creator of I AM ME: 100% Validated!®, a guided self-discovery experience that empowers individuals to embrace who they are, fully and unapologetically. A former security senior executive turned coach, Jyllian now creates spaces for individuals and teams to recognize their excellence, and build the confidence, connection, and clarity needed to show up as their most authentic selves.
More about Jyllian:
Get her book:
Pure Excellence: The Joy in Finding You https://amzn.to/48833PV
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Checkout https://aboutthatwallet.com
Disclaimer:
The information in this podcast is for general informational and educational purposes only and does not constitute financial, legal, or tax advice. Please consult with a qualified professional for advice tailored to your individual circumstances.
Episode 317
Transcript
The wallet's missing from the floor? It's not my
Ai Voice:secrets, nothing more? I checked the drawers, I
Ai Voice:checked the spikes Left me hanging in my legs Last
Ai Voice:night we tore up the town? Now my wallet's not
Ai Voice:around?
Anthony Weaver:Um.
Ai Voice:Call the cops or play it smooth? Pay my debts and
Ai Voice:start anew?
Anthony Weaver:Hey. Hey.
Jyllian Clarke:Where'd it go?
Speaker A:My cash, my cars, my flow? Don't you know what's
Speaker A:gone? Now I'm broke from dusk till dawn? Dancing
Speaker A:lights and screaming bass? Drinks were flowing in
Speaker A:that place? Left a tip but lost my grip? Now my
Speaker A:wallet's gonna slip.
Anthony Weaver:In a world where financial advice is as blurry as
Anthony Weaver:a wild night of cheap jello shots, clear your head
Anthony Weaver:and your m. Monetary halitosis with the about that
Anthony Weaver:Wallet show, hosted by Anthony Weaver. Leave those
Anthony Weaver:jello shots for the amateurs and learn to indulge
Anthony Weaver:in the top shelf bottles, baby.
Anthony Weaver:Now here's your host, Anthony Weaver.
Anthony Weaver:What up, what up, what up, everybody? Hopefully,
Anthony Weaver:y' all are having a wonderful Friday eve, and
Anthony Weaver:thank you for joining us live today. I have a
Anthony Weaver:wonderful, wonderful person who always talks about
Anthony Weaver:finding that confidence, building that
Anthony Weaver:authenticity, and actually having a great time
Anthony Weaver:while doing so. Welcome to the show, Jillian
Anthony Weaver:Clark.
Jyllian Clarke:Thank you. Thank you, Anthony, for having me. I'm
Jyllian Clarke:really excited to do this live podcast with you.
Anthony Weaver:Let's give you a round of applause.
Jyllian Clarke:I love it. I love it.
Anthony Weaver:Um, because one of the things that, uh, I just
Anthony Weaver:want to let the audience know, if y' all watching
Anthony Weaver:this live right now, type in hashtag excellence,
Anthony Weaver:because we will be doing a book giveaway later in
Anthony Weaver:the show. So by all means. Oh, you want to talk
Anthony Weaver:about your book, right quick.
Jyllian Clarke:Do I want to talk about my book? I always want to
Jyllian Clarke:talk about my book.
Anthony Weaver:Well, let's talk about the book that we're about
Anthony Weaver:to give away.
Jyllian Clarke:Okay, we'll start there. So pure excellence. The
Jyllian Clarke:joy in finding you. Uh, I. I released this book
Jyllian Clarke:back in March. It was March 1st, and in fact,
Jyllian Clarke:there's two editions. So if you have this book
Jyllian Clarke:prior to June, um, there's in addition. But then I
Jyllian Clarke:noticed when I was recording the audiobook that
Jyllian Clarke:there were a couple things that I wanted to
Jyllian Clarke:change. So I worked with my publisher and re
Jyllian Clarke:released it in June 2025. So the book is just all
Jyllian Clarke:about the joy in finding ourselves. It's really
Jyllian Clarke:about, um, you know, us leaning into who we are as
Jyllian Clarke:people, noticing those moments when we tend to do
Jyllian Clarke:things that aren't in alignment with who we are,
Jyllian Clarke:our values, our boundaries. Um, I talk a little
Jyllian Clarke:bit about group think in There, like, you end up
Jyllian Clarke:doing things because everybody else is doing it.
Jyllian Clarke:But then in that quiet moment you're like, huh,
Jyllian Clarke:I'm actually not as excited about it as everybody
Jyllian Clarke:else seems to be. But you do it anyway because
Jyllian Clarke:that's what the group is doing. So really like
Jyllian Clarke:making decisions, uh, that align with who you are
Jyllian Clarke:as a person, who you are, values wise, boundaries
Jyllian Clarke:wise. And not being afraid to do that, doing it
Jyllian Clarke:such with confidence and just finding joy and
Jyllian Clarke:being able to say like, this is not who I am and
Jyllian Clarke:I'm going to choose something different, even
Jyllian Clarke:though you friend might not like it. So, um, so
Jyllian Clarke:that's what the book is about. And it's got a lot
Jyllian Clarke:of practical exercises in there for you to really
Jyllian Clarke:just see where you are. And it's not necessarily
Jyllian Clarke:for people who don't know who they are. It's about
Jyllian Clarke:deepening connection with yourself, no matter
Jyllian Clarke:where you are in the journey. And, um, the book
Jyllian Clarke:actually was my way of giving back. Because when I
Jyllian Clarke:was in a state of chaos personally, um, I found
Jyllian Clarke:myself at 50 years old being in a state of like. I
Jyllian Clarke:just realized that I just wasn't always my
Jyllian Clarke:authentic self. And I had built myself up on
Jyllian Clarke:accolades and achievements and all kinds of stuff.
Jyllian Clarke:And then all of a sudden I didn't have those
Jyllian Clarke:tangible to me. And I looked for all these
Jyllian Clarke:different things. It's in the book, you'll read
Jyllian Clarke:about it. But you know, I, I was looking for just
Jyllian Clarke:different ways, ways to like really figure out who
Jyllian Clarke:am I, who am I without all these things. And, um,
Jyllian Clarke:I didn't have for myself. And so when I kind of
Jyllian Clarke:came out of my chaotic spin that I was in really
Jyllian Clarke:trying to figure out who I was as a person, um, I
Jyllian Clarke:decided to give back in a couple of different
Jyllian Clarke:ways. And this is one of them. Pure excellence.
Jyllian Clarke:The joy in finding you. So I wrote it took a long
Jyllian Clarke:time, but it's out.
Anthony Weaver:I love it because in our times right now, I have
Anthony Weaver:to say, when it comes to audiobooks, the reason
Anthony Weaver:why I like the audiobook sometimes more than the
Anthony Weaver:paperback. I've noticed that a lot of people
Anthony Weaver:actually give you a little bit more in the audio
Anthony Weaver:format. They was like, hey, you know, I really why
Anthony Weaver:I wrote this chapter is because I was going
Anthony Weaver:through this moment or what was I thinking about,
Anthony Weaver:uh, in those particular moments in time. So I was
Anthony Weaver:like, hm, that's a cool way to kind of play on
Anthony Weaver:audio versus if you got the physical book. And I
Anthony Weaver:like that your publisher was open up to kind of go
Anthony Weaver:back and make Those changes.
Jyllian Clarke:Yes, yes, it was a lot of back and forth, however
Jyllian Clarke:we got there. Um, I can be pretty persuasive.
Jyllian Clarke:Persuasive. Um, a couple of them were, you know,
Jyllian Clarke:just editing errors here and there. Every book has
Jyllian Clarke:an error in it. Um, but when I did the audiobook,
Jyllian Clarke:which I love what you're seeing, because my book
Jyllian Clarke:does not give insight into why I wrote certain
Jyllian Clarke:things. You have to get on. You have to have me on
Jyllian Clarke:a podcast or something, because inside scoops or a
Jyllian Clarke:book signing, I do talk about, um, all things that
Jyllian Clarke:went into the book. I have a couple things at the
Jyllian Clarke:beginning and end that they allowed me to ad lib
Jyllian Clarke:and put in. But really the audiobook is just me,
Jyllian Clarke:my raw emotion as I'm reading it, which you don't
Jyllian Clarke:get from the book. You get words in the book. So.
Jyllian Clarke:So, yeah, everyone has a different preference.
Jyllian Clarke:But, um, you know, I've got lots of books to give
Jyllian Clarke:away, so.
Anthony Weaver:Yeah, because one of the things that's going on
Anthony Weaver:that we also understand is that authenticity in
Anthony Weaver:the black and brown community, but it's not a good
Anthony Weaver:thing. So we have to do something called code
Anthony Weaver:switching. And a lot of times that can be a
Anthony Weaver:detriment to who we are as our core also could
Anthony Weaver:actually help us. So why is it now such a good
Anthony Weaver:time to kind of show up authentically? You.
Jyllian Clarke:Yeah, what a great question. And I would dare say,
Jyllian Clarke:although, yes, black and brown, but I see it
Jyllian Clarke:across all races, I see it across all genders. It
Jyllian Clarke:doesn't matter. We all, I mean, there's different
Jyllian Clarke:environments that we go into. And sometimes people
Jyllian Clarke:do change who they are as a person in order to fit
Jyllian Clarke:in, in order to belong. And I think more and more
Jyllian Clarke:now people are realizing, like, I'm just going to
Jyllian Clarke:show up as, as I am. And I almost would say, you
Jyllian Clarke:know, it's the younger generation that's really
Jyllian Clarke:bringing this out of us because we've been, we as
Jyllian Clarke:older, you know, individuals have kind of
Jyllian Clarke:suppressed that, uh, because we weren't well
Jyllian Clarke:received, we didn't fit in. We wanted to belong
Jyllian Clarke:and we didn't know how to create our own tables
Jyllian Clarke:and invite other people into our tables. And so I
Jyllian Clarke:think right now, between what's happening with our
Jyllian Clarke:government, with what's happening, all the
Jyllian Clarke:different layoffs that are happening, um, and that
Jyllian Clarke:sort of was part of my story as well as I got laid
Jyllian Clarke:off and it was unheard of. It was a while ago, and
Jyllian Clarke:it was embarrassing and all kinds of things. But I
Jyllian Clarke:think that in that space we have to figure out,
Jyllian Clarke:like, who we are, what are our values, what are
Jyllian Clarke:our boundaries, what will and won't we tolerate,
Jyllian Clarke:what's acceptable to us as people? And I think
Jyllian Clarke:when we start seeing all the things that are
Jyllian Clarke:happening in the environments that we're in, it's
Jyllian Clarke:really important and, in fact, professionally
Jyllian Clarke:responsible for us to create these environments
Jyllian Clarke:where people feel safe to show up as themselves.
Jyllian Clarke:The problem is people don't always know how to do
Jyllian Clarke:that. And I, you know, I've come across so many
Jyllian Clarke:people are like, I know who I am. I know who I am,
Jyllian Clarke:and that's great. Again, this is about meeting
Jyllian Clarke:people where they are. But what I often find out
Jyllian Clarke:is there are moments when they're kind of like,
Jyllian Clarke:well, no, actually, I don't know this. I don't
Jyllian Clarke:know this part of it. I. I grew up partially. My
Jyllian Clarke:younger years were in England, and I moved to the
Jyllian Clarke:States from England into a predominantly white
Jyllian Clarke:school. And, you know, you talk about code switch,
Jyllian Clarke:and it was very interesting for me because I came
Jyllian Clarke:here at a young age and just kind of acclimated to
Jyllian Clarke:where whatever environment I'm in, that's a
Jyllian Clarke:strength of mine. It's whatever environment I'm
Jyllian Clarke:in. But it's interesting for me because, um, you
Jyllian Clarke:know, predominantly white people kind of just
Jyllian Clarke:absorbed me. Black people were saying, oh, you're
Jyllian Clarke:trying to be white. You have this accent or what
Jyllian Clarke:have you. Well, what. So, you know, it's just one
Jyllian Clarke:of those areas where, like, just who you are as a
Jyllian Clarke:person, and as long as you're rooted in who you
Jyllian Clarke:are as a person, it doesn't really matter where
Jyllian Clarke:you are. Know how to be professional. If you're in
Jyllian Clarke:the professional environment, it doesn't mean
Jyllian Clarke:you're changing who you are. It just means that
Jyllian Clarke:your professional self shows up. And then when
Jyllian Clarke:you're shucking and jiving with your friends, then
Jyllian Clarke:that's cool too. So, you know, it's just one of
Jyllian Clarke:those things. But being able to understand who you
Jyllian Clarke:are, not change as a result of that and be
Jyllian Clarke:comfortable with who you are. So very important.
Anthony Weaver:Yeah. So Floyd, um, from Highway 54. Thank you for
Anthony Weaver:chiming in. Said he grew up code switching. And I
Anthony Weaver:think we were just taught early on, it's just
Anthony Weaver:like, you know, hey, you better act right while
Anthony Weaver:you're inside this grocery store. Or, you know,
Anthony Weaver:when you go shopping with your mom, be like, hey,
Anthony Weaver:you better not touch nothing.
Jyllian Clarke:Right?
Anthony Weaver:Get that little pep talk before you go in.
Jyllian Clarke:Right, Exactly. Was it a pep talk? Oh, yeah.
Anthony Weaver:It's more like able talking. Right. Yeah, and my
Anthony Weaver:mom's chiming in, too. Make sure y' all type in
Anthony Weaver:hashtag excellent if y' all want the book
Anthony Weaver:giveaway. Be part of that process. Yes.
Jyllian Clarke:Yes. Hello to your mom.
Anthony Weaver:Yeah, thanks. She's. I'm sure she's like, hey, I'm
Anthony Weaver:back to you. That's nice. If I'm out.
Jyllian Clarke:So.
Anthony Weaver:But you as a, um, you know, growing up, you know,
Anthony Weaver:dealing with finding yourself in this community
Anthony Weaver:and going through those different childhood
Anthony Weaver:memories and those core memories and definitely
Anthony Weaver:switching out from what you're used to and getting
Anthony Weaver:out of your comfort zone, how did that help
Anthony Weaver:solidify who you are today?
Jyllian Clarke:How did that help solidify who I am today? Um, in
Jyllian Clarke:a couple of different ways. And I think part of
Jyllian Clarke:that is I just sort of showed up places as I was,
Jyllian Clarke:and it wasn't until I was much older that I
Jyllian Clarke:realized that, like, sometimes I rub people the
Jyllian Clarke:wrong way. And so. And then sometimes, you know,
Jyllian Clarke:most times everybody was accepting or what have
Jyllian Clarke:you. So it was kind of like one of those things.
Jyllian Clarke:And this is what I see very often is, um, you
Jyllian Clarke:might rub somebody the wrong way, and then all of
Jyllian Clarke:a sudden, they're the. You know, they're the
Jyllian Clarke:people that you're trying to, like, figure out,
Jyllian Clarke:like, what's happening here. And everybody else
Jyllian Clarke:likes me, so why not? And so my upbringing was
Jyllian Clarke:more about, don't, um, worry about those people.
Jyllian Clarke:Go do your thing anyway. And I think, and I thank
Jyllian Clarke:my parents a lot, too, because they've really
Jyllian Clarke:raised me just like, this is who you are, and
Jyllian Clarke:you're going to have people who don't like you.
Jyllian Clarke:You're going to have some people who do. But I
Jyllian Clarke:think just as people and as we grow, we natur be
Jyllian Clarke:able to be liked and loved by everybody. And that
Jyllian Clarke:is kind of the basis that starts to shape us and
Jyllian Clarke:shape us in ways that aren't always aligned with
Jyllian Clarke:really who we are as a people, as a person. And
Jyllian Clarke:so, you know, it's an interesting question that I
Jyllian Clarke:ponder, because I never really had any issues
Jyllian Clarke:with, like, who I am as a person. Um, I think my
Jyllian Clarke:authentic self is what people genuinely like about
Jyllian Clarke:me. But I did find myself in a situation where, as
Jyllian Clarke:I looked back, I'm like, wow, there were times
Jyllian Clarke:that I probably did things, said things, acted in
Jyllian Clarke:ways that I probably shouldn't have if I was
Jyllian Clarke:really being true to myself. And for me, I really
Jyllian Clarke:appreciated the achievements that I had and the
Jyllian Clarke:accolades that I would get. And, you know, I was,
Jyllian Clarke:uh, in these top positions, both in government and
Jyllian Clarke:Corporate. And that gave me some clout, you know,
Jyllian Clarke:to some degree. And then when it was all gone and
Jyllian Clarke:I was sitting in silence, I'm like, who am I?
Jyllian Clarke:Really?
Anthony Weaver:Yeah.
Jyllian Clarke:Who am I without all those things? Because I was
Jyllian Clarke:not. I didn't think this is a mindset that I had
Jyllian Clarke:to realize. But at that moment, I'm like, I'm
Jyllian Clarke:nobody. I don't. I don't have a job anymore. I
Jyllian Clarke:don't have this. I'm not in these powerful
Jyllian Clarke:positions anymore. So then who am I if I'm not
Jyllian Clarke:there? And I really had to start over from this
Jyllian Clarke:life that I, you know, knew just being myself. I'm
Jyllian Clarke:like, wait a minute. Really? Who am I? M. So, um,
Jyllian Clarke:There's a long way to answer your question, but I
Jyllian Clarke:love.
Anthony Weaver:It because one of the things that we go out, when
Anthony Weaver:you go out to parties or, um, catching up with
Anthony Weaver:family members, the first thing they ask you, so
Anthony Weaver:what do you do? Or. And it's kind of like, well, I
Anthony Weaver:do a lot of other things. And ultimately what
Anthony Weaver:they're asking for is, what do you do for work?
Anthony Weaver:What do you do for income?
Jyllian Clarke:Right?
Anthony Weaver:And it's just like, well, I can do a whole lot
Anthony Weaver:more than just that. So.
Anthony Weaver:Yeah, what is it that, um, like you said, when all
Anthony Weaver:the titles are stripped, when do you realize that
Anthony Weaver:you're more than just the titles?
Jyllian Clarke:So, great question. And what I discovered. And I
Jyllian Clarke:actually have a trademarked M initiative called I
Jyllian Clarke:am me 100% validated. And it's a guided self
Jyllian Clarke:discovery journey where you're really just looking
Jyllian Clarke:at yourself. What are. What is it about you? What
Jyllian Clarke:are your traits? What are, you know, using, Like,
Jyllian Clarke:I am blank. Like, I am brave. Um, and so it's
Jyllian Clarke:really about deepening that connection with
Jyllian Clarke:yourself and realizing what. Who you are, deep
Jyllian Clarke:down. Brave, scared, fearful, embarrassed, um,
Jyllian Clarke:confident. It's all these things that we define.
Jyllian Clarke:We have buckets for ourselves. Good, bad, none of
Jyllian Clarke:that. Right. We're not. Not. It's. It's who we
Jyllian Clarke:are, what we do. What I really walk people through
Jyllian Clarke:is being able to identify what those traits are
Jyllian Clarke:within us. Nothing has to do with the title.
Jyllian Clarke:Nothing has to do with the pecking order, where
Jyllian Clarke:you are with siblings. Um, you know, any of that,
Jyllian Clarke:right? It's all about who you are, what you bring
Jyllian Clarke:to any conversation. I am happy. I am a shining
Jyllian Clarke:star. It's, you know, those kind of things all the
Jyllian Clarke:way to everything that we might consider. Consider
Jyllian Clarke:bad. But they're part of us. Um, I mean, part m.
Jyllian Clarke:Of what I realized I'm like, I'm a little mean,
Jyllian Clarke:um, and you like to look at that. But now I can
Jyllian Clarke:laugh about it. But there was a time when I was
Jyllian Clarke:like, oh my goodness, I really am. And I was
Jyllian Clarke:devastated to really come to that honesty about
Jyllian Clarke:myself. But then I realized it's about how you
Jyllian Clarke:actually leverage that trait that matters. And so
Jyllian Clarke:when do I bring that up? When, when is it useful?
Jyllian Clarke:What's the impact that I want to have on the
Jyllian Clarke:world? And when we become so unbelievably aware of
Jyllian Clarke:ourselves, we can begin to have the impact on the
Jyllian Clarke:world that we really, truly want to have. And be
Jyllian Clarke:careful of impacting in ways that we didn't mean
Jyllian Clarke:to impact. And we can be very intentional about
Jyllian Clarke:our decisions when we know who we are and how they
Jyllian Clarke:align with what we value.
Anthony Weaver:I, uh, like that because, you know, obviously at
Anthony Weaver:work there's a lot of people that like to test
Anthony Weaver:your gangster be like, you know, oh, you're
Anthony Weaver:horrible at this and you trash this way, or I
Anthony Weaver:don't like the way that you put on your shirt
Anthony Weaver:today.
Jyllian Clarke:Right.
Anthony Weaver:I've seen people talk about somebody's attire more
Anthony Weaver:so than their work ethic more than once.
Jyllian Clarke:Mhm.
Anthony Weaver:The question is, it's like, how do you kind of
Anthony Weaver:maintain your composure to keep your paycheck?
Jyllian Clarke:I would ask that back to you, right? Because sure,
Jyllian Clarke:somebody says something negative, it stings. But I
Jyllian Clarke:would ask, like, why is it important to you what
Jyllian Clarke:that person is saying or how they feel about you,
Jyllian Clarke:or what they say about you? Why is it important to
Jyllian Clarke:you? What's so important about it that you feel
Jyllian Clarke:you have to respond to it? So, you know, those are
Jyllian Clarke:the types of questions, coaching questions, um,
Jyllian Clarke:that I would ask. And then you can make a very
Jyllian Clarke:conscious decision about do I respond and give
Jyllian Clarke:this person my energy or not. There was a time
Jyllian Clarke:when I probably would have, you know, set
Jyllian Clarke:something back or whatever. Now if you don't like
Jyllian Clarke:what I have on, you don't like what I have on,
Jyllian Clarke:hey, it's none of my business what you think of
Jyllian Clarke:me. You keep that to yourself. But if you choose
Jyllian Clarke:to bring that out, okay, so you don't like my
Jyllian Clarke:sweater. I'm good. It doesn't change who I am as a
Jyllian Clarke:person or how I'm going to, you know, be. But then
Jyllian Clarke:if it bothers you, I'm asking questions like, what
Jyllian Clarke:is it about it that bothers you? Maybe you didn't
Jyllian Clarke:like it either and you decided that, wow, I'm
Jyllian Clarke:going to wear it anyway. And then somebody makes a
Jyllian Clarke:Comment. And you're like, oh, man, I should have
Jyllian Clarke:worn it. Right? So there's all those things. But
Jyllian Clarke:that's the first step is like, why what matters?
Jyllian Clarke:Why is it important? And that's how you keep your
Jyllian Clarke:composure. What are your values? What does it
Jyllian Clarke:matter? And is it really that important to you to
Jyllian Clarke:be able to respond to that individual? Or is that
Jyllian Clarke:individual really, uh, that important to you?
Anthony Weaver:Okay, um, I really do like that because, you know,
Anthony Weaver:we. We go through life being judged all the time,
Anthony Weaver:and especially, like, you get it at home more so
Anthony Weaver:you can get at work. So that's why the reason why
Anthony Weaver:I'm like, can we just bring back bullying as kids?
Anthony Weaver:Because some people are so sensitive nowadays.
Anthony Weaver:It's like, yeah, I don't know. Sure. What's going
Anthony Weaver:on? Is it the way how we, like, how the parents
Anthony Weaver:are actually raising their children nowadays to
Anthony Weaver:kind of deal with conflict? Because now, because
Anthony Weaver:we're dealing with people who are in the sandwich
Anthony Weaver:generation, they have kids and also they deal with
Anthony Weaver:their parents. But if they have their kids, how do
Anthony Weaver:they kind of, um, what. As you could say, this is
Anthony Weaver:the part I like to edit out when the pre
Anthony Weaver:recordings edit all this out.
Jyllian Clarke:I'm letting you get your question out. So go
Jyllian Clarke:ahead, Mom's listening.
Anthony Weaver:I'm gonna try to land the plane on this one.
Anthony Weaver:All right. Um, so the question is, what strategies
Anthony Weaver:or tools or even questions should a parent or even
Anthony Weaver:suggest a parent give to their child to kind of
Anthony Weaver:build that confidence in themselves for who they
Anthony Weaver:are?
Jyllian Clarke:Wow. Okay, so you landed that plane not where I
Jyllian Clarke:thought you were going, but, um. And so, you know,
Jyllian Clarke:parent parenting advice is really how I would wrap
Jyllian Clarke:that up. And, um, you know, I've got three kids.
Jyllian Clarke:Each one would tell you something different about
Jyllian Clarke:me as a parent. Um, what I will tell you is that I
Jyllian Clarke:grew as a person having them as children. But one
Jyllian Clarke:of the things that I was very, very, very
Jyllian Clarke:deliberate about was making sure that they had a
Jyllian Clarke:voice. Um, something that I didn't always feel
Jyllian Clarke:like I had, but I didn't know that I didn't have
Jyllian Clarke:until later. And some people might say, like, oh,
Jyllian Clarke:you gave them too much of a voice. But I was
Jyllian Clarke:always kind of like, someday. I mean, it happened
Jyllian Clarke:way sooner than I thought, where they exercise
Jyllian Clarke:their independence and their voices, but someday
Jyllian Clarke:it's going to serve them very well. And, um, so I
Jyllian Clarke:just wanted them to be able to be heard, you know,
Jyllian Clarke:because I grew up kind of, you know, kids are in
Jyllian Clarke:the room, but, um, you know, don't speak unless
Jyllian Clarke:you're spoken to. And so there's a lot of
Jyllian Clarke:different things I had. You know, communication
Jyllian Clarke:was very, um, important in my family, but at the
Jyllian Clarke:same time, there's a lot that we did not
Jyllian Clarke:communicate about. And so, uh, I have raised my
Jyllian Clarke:children to be able to. To communicate. I would
Jyllian Clarke:always say, what is wrong? Use your words, you
Jyllian Clarke:know, and always give them a place and a platform
Jyllian Clarke:to. To voice whatever they wanted to voice. And so
Jyllian Clarke:with that, um, there are lots of different,
Jyllian Clarke:various variations of what I'm saying. And so I.
Jyllian Clarke:When you say that, you know, some kids are really
Jyllian Clarke:sensitive now. I'm one of those sensitive people.
Jyllian Clarke:I am sensitive. My kids will tell you in a minute,
Jyllian Clarke:oh, mom, you're so sensitive. You're so, um. But I
Jyllian Clarke:think they caught me really, at a time they were
Jyllian Clarke:teenagers and in college, as I was going through a
Jyllian Clarke:lot of my own self discovery, you know, moments
Jyllian Clarke:here and just recognizing, uh, where I was in
Jyllian Clarke:life. And I think having kids may be a little
Jyllian Clarke:softer as an individual too, because I definitely
Jyllian Clarke:have much more of an understanding. So as a parent
Jyllian Clarke:to other parents, I would say approach what you're
Jyllian Clarke:doing with a level of understanding and compassion
Jyllian Clarke:and try not to suppress their voices. You want
Jyllian Clarke:your place. At least for me, I wanted my home to
Jyllian Clarke:be the safest place that my kids had, and I wanted
Jyllian Clarke:that for their friends and such, too. Like, they.
Jyllian Clarke:That they knew that they had a safe place where
Jyllian Clarke:they could come and be themselves and have a voice
Jyllian Clarke:and understand. And I would approach it with a
Jyllian Clarke:level of understanding. Um, and with that. We
Jyllian Clarke:produce so many different types of kids, but it's
Jyllian Clarke:not just about parenting. It's about the
Jyllian Clarke:environment. And so how you interact with the
Jyllian Clarke:environments that they're in or that you place
Jyllian Clarke:them in is equally as important as what you're
Jyllian Clarke:doing to parent them in the first place.
Anthony Weaver:So I like that.
Jyllian Clarke:Really deep, really quickly.
Anthony Weaver:No, it's really good because I don't have any
Anthony Weaver:kids. Like, this platform, this podcasting, is my.
Anthony Weaver:My baby and my child and my gift to the world.
Anthony Weaver:And, you know, most of the time, your job as a
Anthony Weaver:parent is to kind of mold your child for being a
Anthony Weaver:person, um, that's given value to the world and
Anthony Weaver:society and having that, I know people be like,
Anthony Weaver:you know, Anthony, you're getting kind of deep on
Anthony Weaver:your show. Um, it's been a while, so let's go
Anthony Weaver:deep. Um, well, talking about having those
Anthony Weaver:uncomfortable conversations, like, now you, uh, as
Anthony Weaver:a parent, and I believe you like your empty nester
Anthony Weaver:now.
Jyllian Clarke:I am, I am My youngest went off to college this
Jyllian Clarke:year. And so, yep, empty nesting, um, I guess is
Jyllian Clarke:the right term now. I'm a bird launcher, flinging
Jyllian Clarke:birds out.
Anthony Weaver:The way, like, get off my tree.
Jyllian Clarke:But yes, yes, I am.
Anthony Weaver:And so with your parents now in the wing and you
Anthony Weaver:just kind of giving your, you know, you're just
Anthony Weaver:kind of starting to breathe now.
Anthony Weaver:Let's talk about the parents. How do you start to
Anthony Weaver:bring them into your space, like, going forward,
Anthony Weaver:like, far as, like, health and dealing with their
Anthony Weaver:mental, um, in their physical capabilities? Are
Anthony Weaver:you able to kind of take on that now or just kind
Anthony Weaver:of like, hey, I'm trying to set them up
Anthony Weaver:financially and they'd be maybe.
Jyllian Clarke:All right, so let me understand your question a
Jyllian Clarke:little bit. When you say, how about parents, do
Jyllian Clarke:you mean my parents?
Anthony Weaver:Yes, your parents.
Jyllian Clarke:My parents. That's what I thought. Okay. Because
Jyllian Clarke:that's a whole different ball of wax too. It's
Jyllian Clarke:like, my kids. My kids left. We are loving our
Jyllian Clarke:empty nesting now, and we are so proud of our
Jyllian Clarke:three kids who have gone off. They make great
Jyllian Clarke:decisions. They're definitely people, um, who.
Jyllian Clarke:They're still figuring life out. But they're very
Jyllian Clarke:good. We've taught them right from wrong, which I
Jyllian Clarke:believe happens much earlier than people think. I
Jyllian Clarke:think we're still molding them at 16, 17, 18. No,
Jyllian Clarke:they already know, but, you know, very proud
Jyllian Clarke:there. But what happens is, um, you know, I'm
Jyllian Clarke:still very close to my parents, and they're
Jyllian Clarke:elderly, they're in their 80s, and they have
Jyllian Clarke:technology, um, challenges. You know, I mean, our
Jyllian Clarke:technology world is changing like this. At 8 o'
Jyllian Clarke:clock, it looks one way, and at 2 o' clock it
Jyllian Clarke:looks totally different because they've rolled out
Jyllian Clarke:an update that's really challenging. So we've
Jyllian Clarke:become. My brother and I have become all things
Jyllian Clarke:technology gurus for, you know, my parents, um,
Jyllian Clarke:they have health issues. And so, you know, being
Jyllian Clarke:able to navigate that. I'm always on the phone
Jyllian Clarke:like, or going to the doctors with them or
Jyllian Clarke:something. And, um, you know, it's definitely a
Jyllian Clarke:different space. I'm kind of the epitome of the
Jyllian Clarke:sandwich generation right now with my, you know,
Jyllian Clarke:kids and my parents. But, um, being really clear
Jyllian Clarke:on my own boundaries is so important. I'm not
Jyllian Clarke:always with either one of them because I need my
Jyllian Clarke:own space and my husband and I need our own time
Jyllian Clarke:too. And so, um, so being able to communicate that
Jyllian Clarke:is really important to everybody. And then I have
Jyllian Clarke:another person actually in there who's, um, a
Jyllian Clarke:family friend who I grew up calling uncle. And I'm
Jyllian Clarke:his power of attorney. So not only do I have my
Jyllian Clarke:parents and my kids, but my uncle is now, um, in a
Jyllian Clarke:space where he cannot live independently and it
Jyllian Clarke:happened overnight. And I'm the power of attorney,
Jyllian Clarke:so I have to step up for that as well. Um, very
Jyllian Clarke:daunting tax, uh, tasks that are, ah, are, have
Jyllian Clarke:happened and are ahead of me, um, with my uncle.
Jyllian Clarke:But there's a lot to that. And so finding my own
Jyllian Clarke:balance is somewhat challenging, but more
Jyllian Clarke:importantly is like, where are my values and what
Jyllian Clarke:are my boundaries and how do I articulate that to
Jyllian Clarke:those who need it articulated to. So.
Anthony Weaver:Yeah, well, okay, because that's going to be, um,
Anthony Weaver:a doozy because nobody talks about the burden or
Anthony Weaver:not even a burden, just the thought process and
Anthony Weaver:the weight that it has to be the power of attorney
Anthony Weaver:for somebody. Um, and it's good that they actually
Anthony Weaver:had that set up for that to happen. Um, having the
Anthony Weaver:wills in place and actually having. Because, you
Anthony Weaver:know, it's a financial. We gotta talk finances.
Jyllian Clarke:I know. We gotta talk finances.
Anthony Weaver:Uh, so how has it been, um, before we get to our
Anthony Weaver:drinking session? Um, you know what, let's say
Anthony Weaver:that for after the drinking session.
Anthony Weaver:Okay, so we got a couple minutes here. Um, let's
Anthony Weaver:give a shout out to the people that made it this
Anthony Weaver:far. And for those of you who are just chiming in,
Anthony Weaver:we are sitting with Jillian Clark, the owner,
Anthony Weaver:actually the author of Pure Excellence, the Joy of
Anthony Weaver:Finding you, um, who has been running, ah,
Anthony Weaver:excellent, excellent program and for well over.
Anthony Weaver:Like, how long you been doing this now? Like.
Jyllian Clarke:So I started the business in 2020, but I haven't
Jyllian Clarke:yet. Yeah, I did, but then, um, in April 2023, I
Jyllian Clarke:decided, I'm all in. Let's go.
Anthony Weaver:Let's do it.
Jyllian Clarke:Yeah. So two and a half years now. Yeah, two and a
Jyllian Clarke:half years. Um, yeah, I'm very committed, very
Jyllian Clarke:dedicated to it. So. Yes.
Anthony Weaver:Cool. Yeah. Because it doesn't seem like you've
Anthony Weaver:only been known for two years though. Just like,
Anthony Weaver:just looking at your breadth of work and it just
Anthony Weaver:feels like it's been well over at least 10 years
Anthony Weaver:solid.
Jyllian Clarke:Oh, thank you for that. It's, um. There's been a
Jyllian Clarke:lot of intentionality behind it because I'm really
Jyllian Clarke:driven by things that are very core for me and
Jyllian Clarke:things that I'm passionate about. And um, like I
Jyllian Clarke:said, there's. When I went through my own journey
Jyllian Clarke:of really trying to figure out who I was as a
Jyllian Clarke:person, there were things that were not there for
Jyllian Clarke:me. They may have been but they weren't readily
Jyllian Clarke:available for me, or I didn't see them, and maybe
Jyllian Clarke:I didn't want to see them. I don't know. But, um.
Jyllian Clarke:But it really drove me to a place of being able to
Jyllian Clarke:give back in ways that, um, weren't there for me
Jyllian Clarke:at the time, or at least were not visible to me.
Jyllian Clarke:And so I'm very driven by that intentionality and,
Jyllian Clarke:um, bringing people together, just connection
Jyllian Clarke:piece. And so it's, um. It's just moving. And I've
Jyllian Clarke:got, you know, goal focused and hoping to bring,
Jyllian Clarke:you know, people into this space so that they can
Jyllian Clarke:do the same. Just be rooted in who they are.
Anthony Weaver:Oh, rooted and beauty.
Anthony Weaver:All right, so let's say hi to, uh, say, like, got.
Anthony Weaver:Uh, this is Jay. I want to make sure I pronounce
Anthony Weaver:that right. Thank you, Floyd, for coming through.
Anthony Weaver:Hey, what's going on, Nia, man, these are.
Jyllian Clarke:I see them. They're popping up. Hey. Yeah. Um, so
Jyllian Clarke:the one comment there. People are not comfortable
Jyllian Clarke:being uncomfortable. Uh, they're not. They're not.
Jyllian Clarke:We always are seeking comfort. Comfort. Oh, there
Jyllian Clarke:you go. You can bring it back up. People are not
Jyllian Clarke:comfortable with being uncomfortable. And it's so
Jyllian Clarke:true. We, um. I think as a people, we are
Jyllian Clarke:constantly seeking comfort. Even in our jobs, we
Jyllian Clarke:want to be comfortable. We get into a job and
Jyllian Clarke:we're frustrated five days later when we're still
Jyllian Clarke:uncomfortable in the job, and then suddenly we
Jyllian Clarke:find a place of comfort, and then we just want to
Jyllian Clarke:sit there and, you know, stay comfortable. And
Jyllian Clarke:moving people out of their comfort zones, whether
Jyllian Clarke:that's professionally or personally, is, um. It's
Jyllian Clarke:so true. People don't want to be uncomfortable. So
Jyllian Clarke:my. My role in what I do is let's sit with the
Jyllian Clarke:uncomfortable, because that's really discover who
Jyllian Clarke:you are. That's really just when you really
Jyllian Clarke:discover, like, who you are as a person, what your
Jyllian Clarke:values are, that's when you really discover it.
Anthony Weaver:Well, then we can get in some of the tactics over
Anthony Weaver:a drink. So we're gonna go for trivia, and then
Anthony Weaver:we're gonna do, uh, our drink session. So make
Anthony Weaver:sure I go get your drinks, and we'll be right back
Anthony Weaver:on my, uh, commercial here in a moment. There we
Anthony Weaver:go. I got it.
Jyllian Clarke:Hm. M.
Anthony Weaver:All right, all right, all right. So since those of
Anthony Weaver:you who love drinking, to let you know about this
Anthony Weaver:particular segment, what we do is, for those of
Anthony Weaver:you who are new, we actually make drinks. Uh,
Anthony Weaver:either make a mocktail cocktail, what have you of
Anthony Weaver:your choice, and then we kind of just have our
Anthony Weaver:Drink, Talk about our drink and then we go for it.
Anthony Weaver:So make sure you have your drinks and. I don't
Anthony Weaver:know, but everybody loves this part. Hold on. All.
Anthony Weaver:Ah, right. So what we're going to be making today,
Anthony Weaver:I have a, um. I've been making this drink for a
Anthony Weaver:while because I've been. It's very simple. It is
Anthony Weaver:coconut rum, and you can make any kind of coconut
Anthony Weaver:rum. It's emerald coal coconut rum. We're gonna
Anthony Weaver:put this in here. I know they usually say 2
Anthony Weaver:ounces, but I do it enough to taste, and it takes
Anthony Weaver:a lot for me to taste. So I think this is about
Anthony Weaver:enough to taste. And then we have in pineapple
Anthony Weaver:juice. I just usually go straight with the
Anthony Weaver:pineapple nectar. This is a very simple drink. You
Anthony Weaver:can ask any bartender that you go to or any bar.
Anthony Weaver:They usually have these two drinks, mean these two
Anthony Weaver:ingredients. And then you can just add in as much
Anthony Weaver:as you like. Usually about 6 ounces, they say. But
Anthony Weaver:depending on who it is, they'll have that. And
Anthony Weaver:then usually it's over ice, but these are directly
Anthony Weaver:from every. So it's okay. And then you actually
Anthony Weaver:add a splash of grenadine. And then what this
Anthony Weaver:drink is, it is an island drink. It is called the,
Anthony Weaver:uh, Panty Ripper, but usually you'll hear it
Anthony Weaver:called a tequila. It's like a tropical sunrise
Anthony Weaver:here in the US So every bar usually don't want a
Anthony Weaver:tropical sunrise. It's just that they add orange
Anthony Weaver:juice. Just take out the orange juice and you have
Anthony Weaver:a drink. So. Well, thank you. Um, so what are you
Anthony Weaver:drinking, Joey?
Jyllian Clarke:Well, nothing. Nothing as fancy as that. So I have
Jyllian Clarke:with me my Tatsu tea, which can be turned into a
Jyllian Clarke:Tatsu tiny. But, um, Tatsu tea, it's made from
Jyllian Clarke:matcha tea. And it's actually. My husband is a
Jyllian Clarke:martial artist and his best friend of all time,
Jyllian Clarke:who's who lives in Philadelphia area, is the
Jyllian Clarke:founder of Tatsu Tea. And. And so it's very
Jyllian Clarke:natural. It's a performance tea. And, um, it's got
Jyllian Clarke:electrolytes and vitamins, minerals, and is
Jyllian Clarke:competing with all the other teas out there. So we
Jyllian Clarke:drink a Tatsu tea almost every day. I'm really a
Jyllian Clarke:water. Like, I got my big thing of water over here
Jyllian Clarke:too. So I drink a lot of water, a ton of water a
Jyllian Clarke:day. But I do mix in a Tatsu tea as well. So
Jyllian Clarke:that's what I'm drinking. But it can very easily
Jyllian Clarke:be turned into a Tatsutini.
Anthony Weaver:Oh, I'm about to make that happen.
Anthony Weaver:So what are y' all drinking out in the audience
Anthony Weaver:space? What do y'.
Jyllian Clarke:All?
Anthony Weaver:Let us know what y' all drinking. And Dr. Sevy.
Anthony Weaver:Yes. Doctor said, you know, you know, I.
Jyllian Clarke:Should have turned it into a Tatsutini. My
Jyllian Clarke:goodness, you've got a good drink going on over
Jyllian Clarke:there. Getting lit.
Anthony Weaver:Oh, Lisa joined. Lisa, uh, I think you say you
Anthony Weaver:normally get your. Your daughter at this time, but
Anthony Weaver:thank you for chiming in.
Jyllian Clarke:Um, Lisa.
Anthony Weaver:Yeah. If y' all haven't checked, I heard episode,
Anthony Weaver:uh, it's actually the one that's plastered on my
Anthony Weaver:show, one of the top ones because we talked about
Anthony Weaver:stocks and getting investing and so forth. So if
Anthony Weaver:you're new to stock market, trying to get in stock
Anthony Weaver:market for your kids, talking about how to get
Anthony Weaver:utmas getting started for your 8 under 18 year
Anthony Weaver:old. Definitely check that out.
Anthony Weaver:All right, let's see Mom's drinking dream. What
Anthony Weaver:the heck is that? Never heard of a dram buoy?
Jyllian Clarke:M share their recipe.
Anthony Weaver:I know, right? Oh, it's actually a liqueur. On its
Anthony Weaver:own, it looked like it 40% alcoholic. It's a
Anthony Weaver:scotch or whiskey.
Jyllian Clarke:Oh, okay.
Anthony Weaver:Um. Oh, this is only 21. No wonder this tastes
Anthony Weaver:like juice. Okay. Yeah.
Jyllian Clarke:Right? Oh my goodness.
Anthony Weaver:Uh, let's see. Dr. SEV. He said what? What is
Anthony Weaver:that?
Jyllian Clarke:Boring. I have my water too, you know.
Anthony Weaver:Yeah, she got a chaser. You know.
Jyllian Clarke:Stay hydrated, Stay hydrated. Water is so
Jyllian Clarke:critically important to the health of our. Our
Jyllian Clarke:overall health of our bodies.
Anthony Weaver:Mhm. Oh, wow, that's. Yeah, that uh, that dram
Anthony Weaver:buoy is pretty strong at 40. I mean that's. You'll
Anthony Weaver:put some hand on your chest if you're gonna drink
Anthony Weaver:it straight. Oh yeah, you're gonna be all night
Anthony Weaver:long depending on how much you you poured
Anthony Weaver:yourself. But slow down, you know, it's Friday
Anthony Weaver:tomorrow.
Jyllian Clarke:That's so funny.
Anthony Weaver:Yeah.
Anthony Weaver:So this is, um. I guess now we get the talking to
Anthony Weaver:the meats M. So for those of you who are, um, want
Anthony Weaver:to dial in, you can dial in at 833-699-2558. If
Anthony Weaver:you have any burning questions, you can ask them
Anthony Weaver:live right now to a. I don't call you like a life
Anthony Weaver:coach.
Jyllian Clarke:No, I'm an executive now. I'm an executive coach,
Jyllian Clarke:personal development coach. And um. But yeah, life
Jyllian Clarke:coach. I don't start playing with people's lives
Jyllian Clarke:around there. But there is a life component
Jyllian Clarke:anytime we're talking about self discovery and so.
Jyllian Clarke:But I do executive coaching.
Anthony Weaver:Okay.
Anthony Weaver:So if you want to show up authentically, you and
Anthony Weaver:you have a burning question on about showing up
Anthony Weaver:properly at work, and you're afraid, and you just
Anthony Weaver:don't have those tools. This is the time to ask
Anthony Weaver:the question.
Jyllian Clarke:Yes.
Anthony Weaver:Yeah. So I'm gonna ask the question.
Jyllian Clarke:Okay.
Anthony Weaver:What questions should I be asking myself to show
Anthony Weaver:up authentically? Me. Like, what are the top three
Anthony Weaver:questions I should ask myself every day?
Jyllian Clarke:The top three questions you should ask yourself
Jyllian Clarke:every day. So am I being myself? This number one.
Jyllian Clarke:And to the statement, um, before, am I comfortable
Jyllian Clarke:being myself? And then are my decisions aligned
Jyllian Clarke:with who I am as a person and what I value as a
Jyllian Clarke:person?
Anthony Weaver:I like that. Okay. So it depends on the setting,
Anthony Weaver:though, because I'm thinking, like, if you got to
Anthony Weaver:the club, you know, it's like, okay, yeah, I'm
Anthony Weaver:sober. I can dance, and some people are great at
Anthony Weaver:it. Um, and sometimes you just need to calm down
Anthony Weaver:and the voices in your head and you just go to the
Anthony Weaver:bar, do the drink to kind of fit in.
Jyllian Clarke:Sure.
Anthony Weaver:Which goes back to what you said earlier. It's
Anthony Weaver:like, why do you. Why are you doing this? To fit
Anthony Weaver:in with everybody else.
Jyllian Clarke:Right. And if it's not something that you want to
Jyllian Clarke:do, if you're not a drinker, then don't drink.
Jyllian Clarke:Right. If you don't have a belief in something,
Jyllian Clarke:then don't go do that thing. And be okay with not
Jyllian Clarke:doing it or saying, like, I'm gonna come hang with
Jyllian Clarke:you, but I am not drinking. Like, I'm not. I'm
Jyllian Clarke:just not. I don't drink. Um, I stopped drinking or
Jyllian Clarke:whatever the case may be. But don't do it just
Jyllian Clarke:because everybody else is doing it. And be okay
Jyllian Clarke:with where you are as a person. If it doesn't
Jyllian Clarke:align with you and what you value or where you are
Jyllian Clarke:in, you know, your season of life, don't do it.
Jyllian Clarke:And be 100% okay with not doing it. Right. Then if
Jyllian Clarke:you have pushback from friends or. Or whatever,
Jyllian Clarke:then you have some other decisions that you need
Jyllian Clarke:to make. Who do you want in your circle?
Anthony Weaver:Um, that part. Like setting up boundaries.
Jyllian Clarke:Exactly. Who do you want in your circle? And if
Jyllian Clarke:they're not supporting who you are and the
Jyllian Clarke:decisions that you're making, I'm pretty quick to
Jyllian Clarke:snip from my bonsai tree. Oh, okay. Because it's
Jyllian Clarke:important to me to do things that are aligned and
Jyllian Clarke:not be judged or. Or what have you. Um, and it's
Jyllian Clarke:okay if you're judging me, but now we just may
Jyllian Clarke:have to move a little bit differently. M. So. And
Jyllian Clarke:that's okay, too. You Know, we're not all meant to
Jyllian Clarke:be constantly flowing 100 all the time. And there
Jyllian Clarke:are people who I can be around for a certain
Jyllian Clarke:period of time, but then, like, hey, it was good
Jyllian Clarke:for this amount of time, but now we part ways and
Jyllian Clarke:we go because we are not aligned in everything. So
Jyllian Clarke:that's what I would say.
Anthony Weaver:Okay. Yeah.
Jyllian Clarke:Because about that one. So I'm stopping myself.
Anthony Weaver:No, no, no. It's really good because one of the
Anthony Weaver:things I do talk a lot about is setting up those
Anthony Weaver:boundaries, especially during the holidays, um,
Anthony Weaver:and having boundaries not just with the people
Anthony Weaver:that are around you, but also your core family
Anthony Weaver:members. And be like, look, I don't have it it. Or
Anthony Weaver:like, you're only getting this. And for me, I'm
Anthony Weaver:like, as a gift, I set my boundaries even with my
Anthony Weaver:own gifts. When people ask me, like, hey, I'd
Anthony Weaver:rather have a book than clothing, than anything
Anthony Weaver:for the house or anything like that, I'm like,
Anthony Weaver:just give me a book. Let me tell you what book it
Anthony Weaver:is. And I'll be, oh, yeah. So excited, because
Anthony Weaver:it's a book that I really want. Not so much that
Anthony Weaver:this is something that I want.
Anthony Weaver:Understanding the platinum rule, which is
Anthony Weaver:teaching, like. Which is treating people the way
Anthony Weaver:they want to be treated instead of the way you
Anthony Weaver:want to be treated. And that is one of the things
Anthony Weaver:that was hard to learn as I was growing up.
Jyllian Clarke:Yeah.
Anthony Weaver:Because you always taught, like, you know, well,
Anthony Weaver:if you want people to be nice to you, you need to
Anthony Weaver:be nice to them. But they don't like nice. They
Anthony Weaver:want valid.
Jyllian Clarke:M. So that's interesting. There's two things, um.
Jyllian Clarke:There's two things that you said there. So
Jyllian Clarke:sometimes there's. There's sometimes when you sort
Jyllian Clarke:of. I don't want to use that word. Acquiesce. But
Jyllian Clarke:right now, that's what's coming to me. So I'll
Jyllian Clarke:just say acquiesce. But there are some times when
Jyllian Clarke:people may give you something that you may not
Jyllian Clarke:want, but it's what they want you to have. M. So
Jyllian Clarke:there's a part that's like, be grateful that that
Jyllian Clarke:person wanted to give you what they wanted you to
Jyllian Clarke:have. And some of those things you'll cherish
Jyllian Clarke:forever. It might not have been something that you
Jyllian Clarke:want, but it's what they wanted to give you.
Jyllian Clarke:Right. And so there's a little bit of give and
Jyllian Clarke:take. That's not, um, what I would consider to be,
Jyllian Clarke:you know, authentic, not authentic, or, you know,
Jyllian Clarke:what have you. But there's a. There's a space in
Jyllian Clarke:There to receive what other people have to offer,
Jyllian Clarke:even if it's not exactly what you thought you
Jyllian Clarke:needed. You come to cherish those moments. You
Jyllian Clarke:come to cherish those gifts. You come to cherish
Jyllian Clarke:all of those things based on your values. Right. I
Jyllian Clarke:value this relationship with this person who gave
Jyllian Clarke:me something that I didn't even know I wanted or
Jyllian Clarke:needed. But now I have it, and it means the world
Jyllian Clarke:to me because this person gave it to me. M. So
Jyllian Clarke:there's that piece of it. I'm gonna pause there.
Anthony Weaver:No, no, no, I like it because, um, I was. I'm
Anthony Weaver:going back to the interview that I want to say one
Anthony Weaver:of the Wayans brothers had. I want to say on Club
Anthony Weaver:Shay Shay, just to shout out another podcast. And
Anthony Weaver:one of the things that the way in, I, um, want to
Anthony Weaver:say is Damon Wayan, okay, who said that, you know,
Anthony Weaver:he wanted the basketball for Christmas, um, but
Anthony Weaver:because all his friends was going to have one
Anthony Weaver:because he wanted to play and stuff like that. But
Anthony Weaver:his mom always gave him socks and gloves for
Anthony Weaver:Christmas. But it wasn't until he got older that
Anthony Weaver:he realized that his friends are outside playing
Anthony Weaver:basketball, but their hands are cold and their
Anthony Weaver:feet are cold. But he was the only one that was
Anthony Weaver:actually warm and was able to stay out longer
Anthony Weaver:because of what was provided to him during
Anthony Weaver:Christmas. And it's just kind of like, well, yeah,
Anthony Weaver:you can have it, but can you get it from somebody
Anthony Weaver:else? Especially if it's a gift thing?
Jyllian Clarke:Yeah, yeah, exactly. Or can you share it? There's
Jyllian Clarke:a lot of different things there. So, um, I. Yeah,
Jyllian Clarke:there's. That can go so deep because there's just
Jyllian Clarke:things like even just asking for something that
Jyllian Clarke:you want feels to a certain way to people. Right.
Jyllian Clarke:So. So it just depends on who you are and how you
Jyllian Clarke:operate. And, um, yes. Trying to teach your
Jyllian Clarke:daughter. You don't have to do everything because
Jyllian Clarke:everyone else is doing it. Absolutely. I think any
Jyllian Clarke:parent out there identifies with exactly what she
Jyllian Clarke:just said. So we try to teach it, teach it, teach
Jyllian Clarke:it, but it's inherent in us as humans. Like,
Jyllian Clarke:everybody else is doing it, so I want to do it
Jyllian Clarke:too. Um, or everyone else has it. I want to guess
Jyllian Clarke:jeans. When I was growing up, it's like, oh, I
Jyllian Clarke:want. Guess the legions that, you know, parents
Jyllian Clarke:wanted me to get. But, you know, eventually I got
Jyllian Clarke:my guest jeans and, you know, that was fine. But,
Jyllian Clarke:um, you know, and I've got kids like that, too.
Jyllian Clarke:They grew up and they wanted this and they wanted
Jyllian Clarke:the Calvin Klein, you know, whatever. So we're
Jyllian Clarke:Constantly. I think every parent right there
Jyllian Clarke:identifies with what she just said. Um, but you
Jyllian Clarke:know, I try to. There's, there's a word that I use
Jyllian Clarke:often that's just grateful. Be grateful for
Jyllian Clarke:whatever it is that you do get, you know, and if
Jyllian Clarke:you really want to find a way to make the money so
Jyllian Clarke:that you go, you can go purchase yourself. This is
Jyllian Clarke:a money show, right? So purchase um, it yourself.
Anthony Weaver:So yeah, teach the kids to go fish.
Jyllian Clarke:Yeah.
Jyllian Clarke:All right.
Anthony Weaver:So Nia says I do this with friends when we hang
Anthony Weaver:out. I tell them I would like, hold up. I would
Anthony Weaver:like it to be an activity rather than centered
Anthony Weaver:around food. Okay. This is going back around like,
Anthony Weaver:um, drinking and so forth.
Jyllian Clarke:Mhm. Yeah. Um, and I think that's good. The one
Jyllian Clarke:thing that's standing out to me is that she's um,
Jyllian Clarke:willing to tell them, like, I don't want this to
Jyllian Clarke:be around food. And then when you're doing things
Jyllian Clarke:with friends, there, there's some give and take
Jyllian Clarke:there. Or there's a choice. Right. While you all
Jyllian Clarke:do the things centered around food, I'll meet you
Jyllian Clarke:after or we'll do the thing that I want to do
Jyllian Clarke:before. And then when you all go do the food
Jyllian Clarke:thing, I'm leaving. Or it's okay if we do the food
Jyllian Clarke:thing for a little while. Um, but you know, let me
Jyllian Clarke:make sure that I fulfill my own needs as well. And
Jyllian Clarke:hopefully they'll go with you. And then it becomes
Jyllian Clarke:a conversation if they're not willing and all that
Jyllian Clarke:kind of good stuff. But the one thing that I'm
Jyllian Clarke:hearing here is that she's willing to communicate
Jyllian Clarke:that, that she tells them. And that's a piece
Jyllian Clarke:that's missing sometimes is that people don't want
Jyllian Clarke:to say what somebody else might not want to hear.
Jyllian Clarke:So that's such a critical part right there is
Jyllian Clarke:telling people what you need, what you want, that
Jyllian Clarke:brings you fulfillment.
Anthony Weaver:And I always commend people who can actually just
Anthony Weaver:stand up for themselves to kind of say like, you
Anthony Weaver:know what? And the power in saying no without
Anthony Weaver:saying no, even though no is a complete sentence.
Anthony Weaver:But you can say no. But almost like a not right
Anthony Weaver:now thing. Maybe later.
Jyllian Clarke:Yeah. What's wrong with no?
Anthony Weaver:Nothing.
Jyllian Clarke:Um, right now is the answer. No is the answer.
Anthony Weaver:I am not.
Jyllian Clarke:And I don't necessarily need for you to understand
Jyllian Clarke:that I've said no. And it's not my role to let you
Jyllian Clarke:down in a certain way. If my answer is no, it's
Jyllian Clarke:no. If you have a problem with me saying no, you
Jyllian Clarke:need to own Your problem with me saying no, I
Jyllian Clarke:don't need to own that for you. I've said no,
Jyllian Clarke:that's mine. What, how you react to it is yours.
Jyllian Clarke:Now. We can have a conversation about it. I may
Jyllian Clarke:have delivered it poorly or, you know, something
Jyllian Clarke:like that. That's a different. But me saying no,
Jyllian Clarke:if that bothers you, that's a, uh, look in the
Jyllian Clarke:mirror moment for you and you work out what your
Jyllian Clarke:reaction is there. Okay.
Anthony Weaver:Can you talk about saying no in the workplace?
Jyllian Clarke:Yes. Yeah.
Anthony Weaver:Because, you know, you get told be like, hey, can
Anthony Weaver:you do this? Like, I ain't doing that. I get your
Anthony Weaver:buddy over there.
Jyllian Clarke:So yeah, I gosh, this, this is so, um, this is a
Jyllian Clarke:really, really big topic. So we'll go sort of
Jyllian Clarke:micro here because they're saying no and then
Jyllian Clarke:they're saying there's insubordination. Um, and I
Jyllian Clarke:think those two things are very different and can
Jyllian Clarke:be handled different. And most times, I mean, I, I
Jyllian Clarke:have, um, been in leadership for many, many, many
Jyllian Clarke:years. And the times when I've heard people truly
Jyllian Clarke:say no, a lot of it stems from not being able to
Jyllian Clarke:understand how they fit into the bigger picture
Jyllian Clarke:and why it's important for them to actually do the
Jyllian Clarke:job or what have you. How you, how you say no is a
Jyllian Clarke:whole different story. Um, but there's that piece
Jyllian Clarke:of it. But there's also like, um, boundaries from
Jyllian Clarke:a work perspective where whatever it is that's
Jyllian Clarke:happening doesn't align with your values or the
Jyllian Clarke:things that, you know, there might be something
Jyllian Clarke:where you have what we would call like a crisis,
Jyllian Clarke:subconscious, if you will. Like, my work is
Jyllian Clarke:requiring me to do this thing and I don't believe
Jyllian Clarke:in that thing, therefore I'm having an issue doing
Jyllian Clarke:that thing. And so that's a different
Jyllian Clarke:conversation. And that is for the person to stand
Jyllian Clarke:up and say, this does not align with my belief
Jyllian Clarke:system. This does not align with who I am as a
Jyllian Clarke:person and have a dialogue about it so that it's a
Jyllian Clarke:professional and productive dialogue where that
Jyllian Clarke:person can say no in a way that's professional and
Jyllian Clarke:ah, and they can get reassigned somewhere else.
Jyllian Clarke:Right. Or, you know, have that, have that
Jyllian Clarke:dialogue. But most times that somebody doesn't
Jyllian Clarke:understand and that's a leadership issue, that's
Jyllian Clarke:not providing clarity to the people that they're
Jyllian Clarke:asking to do the work. And then the reverse of
Jyllian Clarke:that is if the person doesn't understand because
Jyllian Clarke:their leader is not effectively communicating,
Jyllian Clarke:then it's up to the person to understand. Please
Jyllian Clarke:help me understand why it's important for me to do
Jyllian Clarke:this. And that's, uh, that's a legitimate
Jyllian Clarke:question. How does this fit into the bigger
Jyllian Clarke:picture? Um, what is it that you need me to do?
Jyllian Clarke:Why is it important that I am the person who does
Jyllian Clarke:it? Right. Those are the questions that people
Jyllian Clarke:need to answer, like, why am I doing this? Why are
Jyllian Clarke:they asking me to do it? I'm so busy. There's
Jyllian Clarke:oftentimes a disconnect between workload and
Jyllian Clarke:perceived workload, because maybe you're just the
Jyllian Clarke:person that doesn't look like they have a ton to
Jyllian Clarke:do, but your plate is full. Then, you know, have
Jyllian Clarke:that conversation and in the future, increase the
Jyllian Clarke:dialogue so that your manager, your leadership
Jyllian Clarke:understand what's on your plate so that you don't
Jyllian Clarke:get tapped every single time. But be willing to
Jyllian Clarke:say, help me understand why I'm this person. And.
Jyllian Clarke:And if it's a priority conversation, help me
Jyllian Clarke:prioritize.
Anthony Weaver:Um, okay. I like that. Uh, yeah, because it's more
Anthony Weaver:than just walking really fast with a notepad in
Anthony Weaver:your hand in the hallways to everything, even
Anthony Weaver:though you don't have anything on the notepad.
Jyllian Clarke:Yes, yes, exactly.
Anthony Weaver:More than having, like, 50 windows up on your
Anthony Weaver:screen.
Jyllian Clarke:So. True. And I do. I work with leaders a lot who
Jyllian Clarke:are, um, very frustrated because their teams are
Jyllian Clarke:not participating, performing, or they're not
Jyllian Clarke:being productive or they've delivered something
Jyllian Clarke:that, um, my husband will say, it's the bring me a
Jyllian Clarke:rock. You know, and they're the. The leader is
Jyllian Clarke:neglecting to provide the level of clarity that
Jyllian Clarke:people and teams need to actually deliver. And I
Jyllian Clarke:work with frustrated leaders, and I'm like, let's
Jyllian Clarke:take a look in the mirror here. What can you do
Jyllian Clarke:differently to make sure that your teams
Jyllian Clarke:understand that? And more often than not, um,
Jyllian Clarke:they're scared to confront that they may not be an
Jyllian Clarke:effective leader. Um.
Anthony Weaver:Oh, that's a whole nother discussion. We might
Anthony Weaver:have to bring you back for that one, because.
Jyllian Clarke:Let's do it.
Anthony Weaver:Awesome.
Anthony Weaver:Um, so I want to bring up the thing as we come up
Anthony Weaver:to the top of the hour here. Um, for those of the
Anthony Weaver:people who are looking to get inside this book
Anthony Weaver:giveaway. Um, so right now, to make sure you're
Anthony Weaver:inside the book entry, go ahead on and type in
Anthony Weaver:hashtag excellence. We have four entries right
Anthony Weaver:now. Remember, you only can do it one time, so
Anthony Weaver:even if you type it 50 times, it still counts as
Anthony Weaver:one. So, Dr. Sarah, I'm looking out at you. Not to
Anthony Weaver:call you out there, but, you know. But Dr. Sarah
Anthony Weaver:brought up a good thing. She said she is the Queen
Anthony Weaver:of saying, um, of no. When in the corporate
Anthony Weaver:America. No, I don't want to go to lunch to leave
Anthony Weaver:early. And I thought about that. Um, what else?
Anthony Weaver:She says. She says that I would say these are the
Anthony Weaver:things you want me to accomplish.
Jyllian Clarke:Yes.
Anthony Weaver:And I can't do both. Which one do you want me to
Anthony Weaver:complete?
Jyllian Clarke:What's that? Prioritization. It's like, which one
Jyllian Clarke:of these is a priority? Right. Yeah. Love it. Love
Jyllian Clarke:that.
Anthony Weaver:And. Well, because doctor said she recently
Anthony Weaver:retired, so she likes. Um. And I actually got her.
Anthony Weaver:Her episode pre recorded. We just got to get time
Anthony Weaver:to get it up out of there.
Jyllian Clarke:Okay. All right. I'm looking forward to it. Yeah.
Jyllian Clarke:I'm saying no.
Anthony Weaver:And she further. Further say, um. Exactly. A
Anthony Weaver:leadership issue. If you're the company workhorse
Anthony Weaver:they typically have no problem dumping. And I have
Anthony Weaver:no problem saying no. Yeah. Um, I am that person.
Anthony Weaver:So I'm working on my no phase starting next week
Anthony Weaver:because now that the shutdown's over.
Jyllian Clarke:Yeah.
Anthony Weaver:A lot of things.
Jyllian Clarke:So I would encourage, like, there's a place of
Jyllian Clarke:understanding.
Anthony Weaver:Right.
Jyllian Clarke:Uh, it's 100. There's a leadership issue because
Jyllian Clarke:your leadership should understand what's on your
Jyllian Clarke:plate, what the priorities are, what you're doing,
Jyllian Clarke:and those kind of things. But. But it's also
Jyllian Clarke:incumbent upon you as the person to say, I've got
Jyllian Clarke:these just for your awareness. Here's what I have.
Jyllian Clarke:Help me prioritize, because now you're giving me
Jyllian Clarke:something else. I need to prioritize. What do you
Jyllian Clarke:need me to do? And what can I offload? How can we
Jyllian Clarke:spread the work a little bit? If this is a
Jyllian Clarke:priority here, and I see people so often just kind
Jyllian Clarke:of keep taking it on, and then burnout happens,
Jyllian Clarke:frustration happens, resentment happens. And. And
Jyllian Clarke:it's on both ends because the leader is very
Jyllian Clarke:frustrated because the person's not getting it
Jyllian Clarke:done or not getting it done fast enough or what
Jyllian Clarke:have you. And then they're frustrated because they
Jyllian Clarke:keep getting dumped on. So I see. She only typed
Jyllian Clarke:it once.
Anthony Weaver:Right. Uh, you know, I see you, Dr. St. I'm just
Anthony Weaver:saying. I see you.
Anthony Weaver:All right, so we got four. All right. I don't see
Anthony Weaver:any more new ones. So you ready for the drum roll?
Jyllian Clarke:Yes.
Anthony Weaver:I usually have. I used to have some music for
Anthony Weaver:this. I, um, want to play the. Yeah, that's. That
Anthony Weaver:should be it. Yeah, let's do this. This will be
Anthony Weaver:our music for the drum roll.
Jyllian Clarke:Nothing beats a jetsu holiday. And right now you
Jyllian Clarke:can save up to £240 for a family of four. Don't
Jyllian Clarke:miss out.
Anthony Weaver:I don't care. Hey, Dr. Awesome.
Jyllian Clarke:She gets the book. I'm so excited. I will sign it
Jyllian Clarke:and um, you'll have to tell me how to connect
Jyllian Clarke:there so I can get it out. So.
Anthony Weaver:Oh, so tell her what email to send it to and then
Anthony Weaver:she'll send you her contact info.
Jyllian Clarke:All right, so you can email me at Jillian J Y L L
Jyllian Clarke:I A N@isocoaching LLC.com again that's
Jyllian Clarke:Billionsocoaching LLC.com.
Anthony Weaver:And put the subject line about that wallet live.
Jyllian Clarke:Yeah, that sounds good. So just tell me all your,
Jyllian Clarke:give me all your information. I'll get it out to
Jyllian Clarke:you, I'll sign it and send it away. So. Yeah,
Jyllian Clarke:awesome. But really quick. I know remind you but
Jyllian Clarke:it is a show about money and here's what I will
Jyllian Clarke:say really quick. Right. Okay. Is that um, a lot
Jyllian Clarke:of people take all types of time to invest in, in
Jyllian Clarke:whatever, everything. Maybe it's even I'll invest
Jyllian Clarke:in a weight loss program or I'll invest in new
Jyllian Clarke:floors in my situation or what have you. I liken
Jyllian Clarke:investing in yourself, your leadership skills and
Jyllian Clarke:self discovery and learning all about yourself as
Jyllian Clarke:an asset. Okay. And your liability there is if you
Jyllian Clarke:don't do it, there's a lot of risks. There's a lot
Jyllian Clarke:of risk there. It's a liability for you not to
Jyllian Clarke:understand and be self aware. It's a liability for
Jyllian Clarke:you to have the impact that you really don't want
Jyllian Clarke:to have and you're negatively impacting and you're
Jyllian Clarke:not very self aware of that. So um, so that's what
Jyllian Clarke:I will say if you're doing things out of
Jyllian Clarke:obligation or misalignment or something, there's
Jyllian Clarke:your liability. So for your financial folks there
Jyllian Clarke:assets and liabilities, I got to bring that in for
Jyllian Clarke:you. Promise you I would.
Anthony Weaver:I appreciate it. Thank you so much.
Anthony Weaver:Well, this was fun. Jillian, one, um, more time.
Anthony Weaver:Can you just tell people where they can find out m
Anthony Weaver:more about you and actually get a hold of your
Anthony Weaver:book?
Jyllian Clarke:Yes. So, um, you can find me on Instagram or
Jyllian Clarke:LinkedIn. Jillian Clark. Um, not that hard to find
Jyllian Clarke:there and uh, I invite you to also go to my
Jyllian Clarke:website which is isocoaching llc llc.com I am
Jyllian Clarke:right in the midst of reconstructing. So um,
Jyllian Clarke:probably in about a month, maybe a little less
Jyllian Clarke:than that, I'll have a brand new website out there
Jyllian Clarke:for you and places for you to connect. I am
Jyllian Clarke:developing, building a community. It's already
Jyllian Clarke:underway but I will be officially launching that
Jyllian Clarke:the beginning of December, mid December. So you'll
Jyllian Clarke:be able to see that. Which is why I'm revamping my
Jyllian Clarke:website and doing a lot of things there. So
Jyllian Clarke:please, please, please connect with me. Share. Um,
Jyllian Clarke:I do coaching. I've got the community element as
Jyllian Clarke:well. And then again, I have the trademarked
Jyllian Clarke:initiative. I am me, 100% validated which I can do
Jyllian Clarke:virtual or in person. And it really is a 90 to 120
Jyllian Clarke:minute self guided journey. What took me months to
Jyllian Clarke:figure it out. I've packaged it up and it's so
Jyllian Clarke:powerful in a 90 to 120 minute session. So please
Jyllian Clarke:do follow me.
Anthony Weaver:Love it, love it, love it. Thank you so much. This
Anthony Weaver:was great. Um, hopefully everybody who's listening
Anthony Weaver:right now, make sure that y' all are having a
Anthony Weaver:wonderful, wonderful time. This is again, can't
Anthony Weaver:thank you enough. Make sure y' all go follow her,
Anthony Weaver:um, on all the social platforms, make sure y' all
Anthony Weaver:continue to hit the like subscribe button. Share
Anthony Weaver:this out. And if you haven't already, if y' all
Anthony Weaver:new here, please remember the likes really do help
Anthony Weaver:out because that's the only way I can really get
Anthony Weaver:my reach and to kind of share this information and
Anthony Weaver:get more people like Jillian onto the show. Uh,
Anthony Weaver:especially on the live shows. I love the live show
Anthony Weaver:because I don't have to edit.
Jyllian Clarke:Yeah, yeah, exactly. So listen really quick. If
Jyllian Clarke:you miss my contact information, you know how to
Jyllian Clarke:get in touch with Anthony. But find me, message
Jyllian Clarke:me, you can DM me, whatever on Instagram and I'll
Jyllian Clarke:make sure that we connect. So perfect.
Anthony Weaver:All right, everybody remember you uh, can put on
Anthony Weaver:one show at a time. If you try to put on both, you
Anthony Weaver:will trip. All right, I'll be safe.
Jyllian Clarke:Thank you, Anthony. This fun.
Anthony Weaver:All right, stay off a little bit, okay? Mhm.
Jyllian Clarke:Sam.
