270: [Danielle Boucree] Balancing Aging Parents and Growing Kids

Danielle Boucree: 00:00:01

And then now he just left a couple

Danielle Boucree: 00:00:03

of weeks ago and it's quiet and I'm

Danielle Boucree: 00:00:06

going through all of the things, but my parents,

Danielle Boucree: 00:00:10

um, who, ah, were actually

Danielle Boucree: 00:00:13

pretty self sufficient, right. But I

Danielle Boucree: 00:00:15

definitely noticed like the changes in memory

Danielle Boucree: 00:00:18

loss, right. And so them just

Danielle Boucree: 00:00:21

naturally forgetting things or,

Danielle Boucree: 00:00:24

um, you know, my dad, my dad passed away a couple of years ago,

Danielle Boucree: 00:00:27

but as he was, um,

Danielle Boucree: 00:00:31

I don't want to say being forced to retire, but he was being forced to

Danielle Boucree: 00:00:34

slow down. He was an accountant and he just

Danielle Boucree: 00:00:37

kept, he kept on working. He was like, the day I

Danielle Boucree: 00:00:39

stop working is the day I leave. Like, I'm

Danielle Boucree: 00:00:42

working till the end, which we

Danielle Boucree: 00:00:44

understood, but it was hard to watch because of the

Danielle Boucree: 00:00:47

declines as well.

Anthony Weaver: 00:00:49

Right.

Danielle Boucree: 00:00:50

And you know, for some of us, we're like trying to take the keys away from

Danielle Boucree: 00:00:53

our parents because we don't want them to hurt themselves.

Danielle Boucree: 00:00:56

It's just, it's a lot of moving

Danielle Boucree: 00:00:59

pieces.

Anthony: 00:01:03

Welcome everybody, back to another exciting show of the

Anthony: 00:01:06

about that wallet podcast, where we help you build strong

Anthony: 00:01:09

financial habits so that you can have the confidence

Anthony: 00:01:12

in spending money, making money and talking about

Anthony: 00:01:15

money. But today I have the awesome

Anthony: 00:01:17

opportunity to bring on somebody who is going

Anthony: 00:01:20

to be talking about the sandwich generation. And what do

Anthony: 00:01:23

I mean by the sandwich generation? That is the aging

Anthony: 00:01:26

population and generation young adults

Anthony: 00:01:29

that are struggling to achieve financial independence.

Anthony: 00:01:32

And with the burdens and responsibilities of

Anthony: 00:01:35

aging Americans are increasing. So

Anthony: 00:01:38

nearly 47% of

Anthony: 00:01:40

adults, uh, in their forties

Anthony: 00:01:43

and fifties, have a percentage. I mean, has

Anthony: 00:01:46

a parent that is age 65 and

Anthony: 00:01:48

older, and they're also raising

Anthony: 00:01:51

young children or financially supporting a grown

Anthony: 00:01:54

child, 18 or older. Um,

Anthony: 00:01:57

and also they supporting their parents at the same time. So this

Anthony: 00:02:00

is something that we're going to be diving into.

Anthony: 00:02:02

And I do not want to hold it up any much further

Anthony: 00:02:05

because we have an awesome psychotherapist

Anthony: 00:02:09

who, uh, is the owner of the hope

Anthony: 00:02:10

psychotherapy, and her name

Anthony: 00:02:13

is Danielle Bucra. How

Anthony: 00:02:16

you doing today, Danielle?

Danielle Boucree: 00:02:18

I'm, um, good. Thanks for having me.

Anthony: 00:02:20

So, I know we just talked, like I just mentioned

Anthony: 00:02:23

about the sandwich generation, but you've been in the game

Anthony: 00:02:26

for quite a while, and you've

Anthony: 00:02:29

also a psychotherapist that's licensed in Maryland, DC,

Anthony: 00:02:32

Virginia, Massachusetts, North Carolina,

Anthony: 00:02:35

Florida and Georgia. Like, do you have to take like, different tests

Anthony: 00:02:37

to kind of get to all these different places or they kind of like inherited?

Danielle Boucree: 00:02:40

Like, what's the deal with that one test? Lots

Danielle Boucree: 00:02:43

of continuing education. That's what I.

Anthony: 00:02:48

And you also specialize in like, couples therapy as

Anthony: 00:02:51

well as individual, uh, therapy. As well.

Anthony: 00:02:54

Correct?

Danielle Boucree: 00:02:54

I do. I do. Early in my career, I was trained

Danielle Boucree: 00:02:57

with, uh, the Gottman Institute, which is a, uh, premier

Danielle Boucree: 00:03:00

research institute for couples. Ah, work.

Danielle Boucree: 00:03:03

And I've just fallen in love with working with my couples.

Danielle Boucree: 00:03:06

So I love it.

Anthony: 00:03:07

Yeah. And what I want to bring you on is

Anthony: 00:03:10

because a lot of us are aging up

Anthony: 00:03:13

1240s, and people who are listening to this

Anthony: 00:03:16

episode actually to this whole show are

Anthony: 00:03:19

roughly around that 35 to 45 range. So some

Anthony: 00:03:22

of these people are approaching 40, which is

Anthony: 00:03:25

that, you know, right at the top of

Anthony: 00:03:29

the sandwich generation or the beginning parts of that sandwich

Anthony: 00:03:32

generation. Um, and we go into a

Anthony: 00:03:35

lot emotionally. What is something

Anthony: 00:03:38

that we should kind of look into to kind

Anthony: 00:03:41

of build a strong

Anthony: 00:03:44

emotional relationship with ourselves?

Danielle Boucree: 00:03:47

Yeah. Well, you know, it is a rough

Danielle Boucree: 00:03:50

time, and its a time that not a lot of us

Danielle Boucree: 00:03:53

are talking about openly.

Anthony Weaver: 00:03:55

Right.

Danielle Boucree: 00:03:56

Um, you know, I love the coin term

Danielle Boucree: 00:03:59

sandwich generation, but owning it

Danielle Boucree: 00:04:02

is really much more difficult than it would

Danielle Boucree: 00:04:04

seem. You kind of, uh, when you approaching it, you feel like

Danielle Boucree: 00:04:07

you're the only one going through it.

Anthony Weaver: 00:04:09

Right.

Danielle Boucree: 00:04:10

So a lot of us talk about empty nesting.

Anthony Weaver: 00:04:13

Right.

Danielle Boucree: 00:04:13

And that's obvious because our lives are revolved around our

Danielle Boucree: 00:04:16

children, and then, you know, we lose that.

Danielle Boucree: 00:04:19

And it takes a lot of time and energy

Danielle Boucree: 00:04:22

to kind of get caught up. But at the same time, for

Danielle Boucree: 00:04:25

most of us, we're noticing, like, we're going home to visit

Danielle Boucree: 00:04:28

our parents and we're like, uh, something's off.

Anthony Weaver: 00:04:31

Right.

Danielle Boucree: 00:04:32

Or. Or my mom keeps repeating the same

Danielle Boucree: 00:04:34

stories. Or, you know, it's. It's the little things that we kind of

Danielle Boucree: 00:04:37

notice are off. And before we know what, we're full blown

Danielle Boucree: 00:04:40

trying to also take care of them while we're

Danielle Boucree: 00:04:43

trying to, uh, launch our children. So

Danielle Boucree: 00:04:46

it's a lot. It's a very heavy time.

Anthony: 00:04:49

Yeah. Because, you know, we talked offline and you're

Anthony: 00:04:52

talking about, like, you finally got rid of. Not got rid of

Anthony: 00:04:54

them, but

Anthony: 00:04:57

they graduated out of the nest.

Anthony: 00:05:00

Yes, but also, um,

Anthony: 00:05:02

how are you dealing with, like, your parents during that time frame? Were you

Anthony: 00:05:05

taking care of them? Were they, um,

Anthony: 00:05:08

living with you? How did that conversation

Anthony: 00:05:11

happen?

Danielle Boucree: 00:05:11

No, my parents. My parents never lived with

Danielle Boucree: 00:05:14

me. Um, they're in Florida and I'm up north.

Danielle Boucree: 00:05:17

But, um, it

Danielle Boucree: 00:05:20

as. So, like we said, like, I have

Danielle Boucree: 00:05:23

three kids and they're. They're now 25, 23

Danielle Boucree: 00:05:26

and 19. But since my

Danielle Boucree: 00:05:29

25 year old was about 17.

Anthony Weaver: 00:05:32

Right.

Danielle Boucree: 00:05:33

It started becoming real that, like, my household was going to

Danielle Boucree: 00:05:36

shift.

Anthony Weaver: 00:05:37

M. Right.

Danielle Boucree: 00:05:38

And we sent her off to college. And indeed it did shift

Danielle Boucree: 00:05:41

because now I only have two at home and then I have another

Danielle Boucree: 00:05:44

one that is grown, not grown

Danielle Boucree: 00:05:47

like off in the middle of Maine somewhere

Danielle Boucree: 00:05:50

like doing her thing. And so it's

Danielle Boucree: 00:05:53

a shift. And then two to three years later I had another shift

Danielle Boucree: 00:05:56

where now I have only one child at home.

Danielle Boucree: 00:05:59

Um. And then now

Danielle Boucree: 00:06:02

he just left a couple of weeks ago

Danielle Boucree: 00:06:05

and it's quiet and I'm going through all of the things.

Danielle Boucree: 00:06:08

But my parents um,

Danielle Boucree: 00:06:10

who ah. Were actually pretty self

Danielle Boucree: 00:06:13

sufficient.

Anthony Weaver: 00:06:14

Right.

Danielle Boucree: 00:06:14

But I definitely noticed like the changes in

Danielle Boucree: 00:06:17

memory loss.

Anthony Weaver: 00:06:19

Right.

Danielle Boucree: 00:06:19

And so them just naturally

Danielle Boucree: 00:06:22

forgetting things or um, you know,

Danielle Boucree: 00:06:25

my dad. My dad passed away a couple of years ago. But

Danielle Boucree: 00:06:28

as he was, um.

Danielle Boucree: 00:06:30

I don't want to say being forced to retire but he was being forced to

Danielle Boucree: 00:06:33

slow down. He was an accountant and he just

Danielle Boucree: 00:06:36

kept, he kept on working. He was like the day I

Danielle Boucree: 00:06:39

stopped working is the day I leave. Like I'm um,

Danielle Boucree: 00:06:42

working till the end, which we

Danielle Boucree: 00:06:44

understood, but it was hard to watch because of the

Danielle Boucree: 00:06:47

declines as well.

Anthony Weaver: 00:06:49

Right.

Danielle Boucree: 00:06:50

And you know, for some of us we're like trying to take the keys away from

Danielle Boucree: 00:06:53

our parents because we don't want them to hurt themselves.

Danielle Boucree: 00:06:55

It's, it's just, it's, it's a lot of

Danielle Boucree: 00:06:58

moving pieces and so much. I think this is the

Danielle Boucree: 00:07:01

hardest part is that so much we can't control.

Anthony Weaver: 00:07:04

Right.

Danielle Boucree: 00:07:05

We've just got to get flexible

Danielle Boucree: 00:07:07

because.

Anthony: 00:07:08

We always want to control not just

Anthony: 00:07:11

the situation but also to make sure that our parents are doing

Anthony: 00:07:14

okay.

Danielle Boucree: 00:07:15

Yeah, yeah. It's

Danielle Boucree: 00:07:18

important, but we actually get the skills

Danielle Boucree: 00:07:21

for those of us that are sandwiching

Danielle Boucree: 00:07:24

when our kids are growing up in order to

Danielle Boucree: 00:07:27

have a healthy relationship with them as they're trying to

Danielle Boucree: 00:07:30

gain their independence, it's really important that we kind

Danielle Boucree: 00:07:33

of loosen the reins a little bit. M

Danielle Boucree: 00:07:36

so that a kid at

Danielle Boucree: 00:07:38

8910, when we're controlling all of the things and

Danielle Boucree: 00:07:41

all of the activity at 13 1415,

Danielle Boucree: 00:07:44

they don't really want us to control anything. So we try and

Danielle Boucree: 00:07:46

hold on to a little as much as we can.

Anthony Weaver: 00:07:49

Right.

Danielle Boucree: 00:07:49

And at 1617 we actually have to let

Danielle Boucree: 00:07:52

go of control otherwise they

Danielle Boucree: 00:07:55

won't launch. Like it's just, it's inevitable. We

Danielle Boucree: 00:07:58

have to let go. And you kind of

Danielle Boucree: 00:08:01

practice that with your parents as well.

Anthony Weaver: 00:08:04

Right.

Danielle Boucree: 00:08:05

They actually have the independence they like raised

Danielle Boucree: 00:08:08

you so they know how to do it.

Anthony: 00:08:10

Right. Right.

Danielle Boucree: 00:08:12

And then suddenly you're trying to control what they

Danielle Boucree: 00:08:15

do, where they go, what they're able to do

Danielle Boucree: 00:08:18

and they're resisting. It's kind of like those

Danielle Boucree: 00:08:20

horrible teenage years when you're raising your

Danielle Boucree: 00:08:23

kids, it mirrors it

Danielle Boucree: 00:08:25

completely. So

Danielle Boucree: 00:08:29

if we're able to heal the wounds with

Danielle Boucree: 00:08:31

our parents and all the layers that come with those and

Danielle Boucree: 00:08:34

really see them as somebody who is

Danielle Boucree: 00:08:37

losing agency instead of gaining

Danielle Boucree: 00:08:40

agency and have that empathy

Danielle Boucree: 00:08:43

for them, it's so much easier said than done. Yes,

Danielle Boucree: 00:08:45

it's really hard to do that,

Danielle Boucree: 00:08:48

but with patience and love, like, that's. That's what

Danielle Boucree: 00:08:51

you have to hold on to, as opposed to holding on to the

Danielle Boucree: 00:08:54

sense of, like, control, say, on.

Anthony: 00:08:57

The emotional side of the house. Because for some people who

Anthony: 00:09:00

are married and they are in this

Anthony: 00:09:03

transition, where they have the father and

Anthony: 00:09:06

mother in law on both sides

Anthony: 00:09:09

and say, which one set? Which set is

Anthony: 00:09:11

older? And do you guys have that

Anthony: 00:09:14

conversation as a married couple to say,

Anthony: 00:09:17

like, hey, if my mom or dad

Anthony: 00:09:20

are going through this process, what do

Anthony: 00:09:22

we do? Do we have a move in with us, or do

Anthony: 00:09:25

we have them go into a home? Or do we

Anthony: 00:09:28

buy, uh, what they call them, aud,

Anthony: 00:09:31

like a development in the back of the house

Anthony: 00:09:34

so that they can just stay in? Right.

Anthony: 00:09:37

Has those conversations come up? Uh, uh. In your

Anthony: 00:09:40

practice and, like, how did they manage? Well,

Anthony: 00:09:43

what guidance would you give somebody?

Danielle Boucree: 00:09:45

Yeah, of. Of course they've come up. And I

Danielle Boucree: 00:09:48

think some of it is an

Danielle Boucree: 00:09:50

understanding of the value of family.

Danielle Boucree: 00:09:54

Like, in your. In your immediate family.

Danielle Boucree: 00:09:56

Like, how do we value

Danielle Boucree: 00:09:59

family members, right? And having the

Danielle Boucree: 00:10:02

talks about, like, what. What if this happens?

Danielle Boucree: 00:10:04

Because we have no idea how our parents are actually going to

Danielle Boucree: 00:10:07

age.

Anthony Weaver: 00:10:08

Right?

Danielle Boucree: 00:10:09

Whether they're going to have all of their, you know, their

Danielle Boucree: 00:10:12

wits about them or they're not. Whether physically,

Danielle Boucree: 00:10:15

whether they're going to decline or not. We don't know. There's so

Danielle Boucree: 00:10:18

much unknown, uh, which comes with so much anxiety. So

Danielle Boucree: 00:10:21

from a couple's perspective, right. It's about

Danielle Boucree: 00:10:24

leaning on each other and being transparent and

Danielle Boucree: 00:10:27

talking, talking, talking. I

Danielle Boucree: 00:10:29

can't emphasize the importance of a

Danielle Boucree: 00:10:32

support system when you're going through this.

Danielle Boucree: 00:10:35

And a partner is the best form

Danielle Boucree: 00:10:38

of, um, a healthy support system because

Danielle Boucree: 00:10:41

you're kind of experiencing the same stuff.

Danielle Boucree: 00:10:44

Um, but, yeah, you

Danielle Boucree: 00:10:47

can do. The earlier you start talking about

Danielle Boucree: 00:10:50

it, the better.

Anthony: 00:10:51

Okay. So, like, when they dating or, like,

Anthony: 00:10:54

when they engage?

Danielle Boucree: 00:10:56

Well, I think in any healthy relations

Danielle Boucree: 00:10:58

relationship, family is a factor.

Anthony: 00:11:00

Gotcha.

Anthony Weaver: 00:11:01

Right.

Danielle Boucree: 00:11:01

So you're constantly talking about family and the

Danielle Boucree: 00:11:04

role that family plays in your life and

Danielle Boucree: 00:11:07

how you want family to show up for you

Danielle Boucree: 00:11:10

in your life as a couple. So even when you're dating

Danielle Boucree: 00:11:13

or engaged or getting married, family is something

Danielle Boucree: 00:11:16

that you deal with on a regular basis.

Danielle Boucree: 00:11:20

And so a lot of it depends also on how your

Danielle Boucree: 00:11:23

parents, for example, show up for you

Danielle Boucree: 00:11:26

as you're growing your family and how you're, as

Danielle Boucree: 00:11:29

you're getting older and how connected they are. But at the end of

Danielle Boucree: 00:11:32

the day, even when they start

Danielle Boucree: 00:11:35

the decline, whether you're super

Danielle Boucree: 00:11:37

close or you're even

Danielle Boucree: 00:11:40

estranged, they're still your parents. You still hold

Danielle Boucree: 00:11:43

some sense of responsibility to, um, um,

Danielle Boucree: 00:11:46

to help them through their journey.

Anthony: 00:11:49

Okay. Because I'm thinking of, uh,

Anthony: 00:11:53

how it also, like a lot of people say, you know what, you're just getting

Anthony: 00:11:56

in the home. I'm, um, not going to deal with this. I'll

Anthony: 00:11:59

put you up in the home no matter what.

Danielle Boucree: 00:12:01

That's real.

Anthony: 00:12:02

This is, I can't take it, you

Anthony: 00:12:05

know? Um. And then the other siblings,

Anthony: 00:12:08

if you have any, how does that work?

Danielle Boucree: 00:12:10

Yeah, right. A lot of time that causes strain in a

Danielle Boucree: 00:12:13

family. Like, I have a client

Danielle Boucree: 00:12:15

whose siblings just aren't showing up. They're just depending

Danielle Boucree: 00:12:18

on her, um, to do all the things, which

Danielle Boucree: 00:12:21

is really, it's tough from her

Danielle Boucree: 00:12:24

perspective.

Anthony Weaver: 00:12:25

Right.

Danielle Boucree: 00:12:26

And everything that she's got to handle and lead.

Danielle Boucree: 00:12:29

But it's also like, okay, once this journey is

Danielle Boucree: 00:12:32

over with her parents, it also then affects, has a long term effect

Danielle Boucree: 00:12:35

on the relationships with the siblings.

Anthony: 00:12:36

Yeah.

Anthony Weaver: 00:12:37

Right.

Danielle Boucree: 00:12:38

Because there's some resentment there. So it's

Danielle Boucree: 00:12:41

emotional time and then wait.

Anthony: 00:12:42

Till the will comes out like

Anthony: 00:12:45

facts.

Anthony Weaver: 00:12:46

For real?

Anthony: 00:12:47

Yes. Um, because I had a client,

Anthony: 00:12:50

not a client, I had a guest on the show who was going

Anthony: 00:12:53

through that process in the estate planning, and

Anthony: 00:12:56

the parent did not relay the

Anthony: 00:12:59

information to all the children,

Anthony: 00:13:01

only to two of the three. So

Anthony: 00:13:05

when time happens, it's like that

Anthony: 00:13:07

third one was like, well, you know, I want

Anthony: 00:13:10

a third of the, I want to cut too, because I was,

Anthony: 00:13:13

even though I'm the child, they weren't part of the process

Anthony: 00:13:16

of helping out the parent and stuff like that. So it's

Anthony: 00:13:19

like those type of conversations,

Anthony: 00:13:22

like, how do you still emotionally show

Anthony: 00:13:25

up for the rest of your family?

Anthony: 00:13:28

Like during that process? Or we just set like, boundaries, like

Anthony: 00:13:30

healthy boundaries. How can we set those?

Danielle Boucree: 00:13:33

Yeah, I mean, healthy boundaries are,

Danielle Boucree: 00:13:36

ah, boundary setting, I think for most humans is

Danielle Boucree: 00:13:39

hard, right. Because sometimes there comes,

Danielle Boucree: 00:13:41

like, it's associated with guilt. Like, can I really

Danielle Boucree: 00:13:44

ask for what I need? Answer is

Danielle Boucree: 00:13:47

always, yes, you can always ask for what you need.

Danielle Boucree: 00:13:50

Um, but there's some guilt that comes along with that

Danielle Boucree: 00:13:53

sometimes. But it's really important that everybody

Danielle Boucree: 00:13:55

knows how to treat one another and what you

Danielle Boucree: 00:13:58

expect and what you need and that's all boundary setting is

Danielle Boucree: 00:14:01

really like training or treating,

Danielle Boucree: 00:14:04

telling people how you want to be treated. Um,

Danielle Boucree: 00:14:07

but, you know, you talked earlier about decisions

Danielle Boucree: 00:14:10

like, to, do we put mom or dad

Danielle Boucree: 00:14:13

in a home? Do we have them move in with one of

Danielle Boucree: 00:14:15

us? Like, those are big decisions to make and

Danielle Boucree: 00:14:18

life altering decisions to make.

Anthony Weaver: 00:14:21

Right?

Danielle Boucree: 00:14:22

So it's important that the communication

Danielle Boucree: 00:14:25

is open and honest and transparent

Danielle Boucree: 00:14:28

between those making those kinds of decisions.

Anthony Weaver: 00:14:31

Right.

Danielle Boucree: 00:14:31

Without criticism, without anybody getting

Danielle Boucree: 00:14:34

defensive. And those are the healthy

Danielle Boucree: 00:14:36

communication tips that are so important to get you

Danielle Boucree: 00:14:39

through these tougher conversations.

Anthony: 00:14:42

Yeah. And, um, with the, um,

Anthony: 00:14:45

especially in the black community, I mean, we don't talk

Anthony: 00:14:47

about mental health enough.

Anthony: 00:14:50

So what is it that, uh, you think

Anthony: 00:14:53

we can kind of start doing to kind of open up that

Anthony: 00:14:56

communication?

Danielle Boucree: 00:14:57

Well, I think the one thing is to be

Danielle Boucree: 00:15:00

honest and transparent about the way you're

Danielle Boucree: 00:15:03

feeling.

Anthony Weaver: 00:15:04

Right.

Danielle Boucree: 00:15:05

And I talk about feelings in my practice a lot. All my

Danielle Boucree: 00:15:08

clients know. They're like, oh, uh, here she goes again with these

Danielle Boucree: 00:15:11

feelings. The feelings are really important.

Danielle Boucree: 00:15:14

We all feel something all the time,

Danielle Boucree: 00:15:18

whether, you know, what word to

Danielle Boucree: 00:15:21

associate with that feeling is a skill

Danielle Boucree: 00:15:23

and a skill to be practiced. There's something

Danielle Boucree: 00:15:26

that, uh, your whole audience can look for

Danielle Boucree: 00:15:29

online. It's either called the feelings wheel or the emotions

Danielle Boucree: 00:15:32

wheel. But it's just at, uh, feeling

Danielle Boucree: 00:15:35

adjectives that we can use to tell other

Danielle Boucree: 00:15:37

people how we feel.

Anthony Weaver: 00:15:40

Right.

Danielle Boucree: 00:15:40

Just implementing that, like, letting people

Danielle Boucree: 00:15:44

know how you feel, like, instead of, how are

Danielle Boucree: 00:15:46

you? I'm good. That's not. That's

Danielle Boucree: 00:15:49

not. That tells nothing. That tells us nothing.

Danielle Boucree: 00:15:52

So to say, like, today, I'm

Danielle Boucree: 00:15:55

feeling lonely right now. I'm a little frustrated.

Anthony Weaver: 00:15:57

Right.

Danielle Boucree: 00:15:58

And the. The conversation that, that even

Danielle Boucree: 00:16:01

that just doing that opens up, connects

Danielle Boucree: 00:16:04

us to people in a different way than just, like,

Danielle Boucree: 00:16:07

the surface level connection.

Anthony Weaver: 00:16:09

Right.

Danielle Boucree: 00:16:10

But when we're, uh, one years old, two years

Danielle Boucree: 00:16:13

old, everybody celebrates first words.

Anthony Weaver: 00:16:16

Right?

Danielle Boucree: 00:16:16

First sentence.

Anthony Weaver: 00:16:18

Right.

Danielle Boucree: 00:16:18

But nobody actually celebrates or

Danielle Boucree: 00:16:20

encourages young people to use

Danielle Boucree: 00:16:23

feeling words. How are you feeling?

Anthony Weaver: 00:16:26

Right.

Danielle Boucree: 00:16:27

It doesn't always have to be bad. There are a whole bunch of adjectives

Danielle Boucree: 00:16:30

that are good feelings, too. But

Danielle Boucree: 00:16:33

that's how you connect with other people.

Anthony: 00:16:35

Yeah. Because I'm looking at this feeling wheel, I'm like, should I

Anthony: 00:16:38

just walk around with a feeling wheel in my pocket for real?

Danielle Boucree: 00:16:42

Bam.

Anthony: 00:16:43

Great.

Danielle Boucree: 00:16:44

Yes. I tell people,

Danielle Boucree: 00:16:49

I encourage people to print it out and put it on your

Danielle Boucree: 00:16:52

refrigerator, especially people with

Danielle Boucree: 00:16:54

families, because when the kids are

Danielle Boucree: 00:16:57

going from, like, nine years old to

Danielle Boucree: 00:16:59

1415, and they're having a lot of trouble

Danielle Boucree: 00:17:02

with their emotions, like, managing

Danielle Boucree: 00:17:05

them a lot of that is because they don't

Danielle Boucree: 00:17:08

have those feeling words, right? So they bottle

Danielle Boucree: 00:17:11

it all up inside and they get pissed off that nobody

Danielle Boucree: 00:17:13

understands them. It's

Danielle Boucree: 00:17:16

partially because they're not communicating how they feel.

Anthony Weaver: 00:17:19

Right.

Danielle Boucree: 00:17:20

And then we grow up to be these adults who can't communicate the way

Danielle Boucree: 00:17:23

we feel. So we also show up as, like, angry

Danielle Boucree: 00:17:26

or whatever. Right. It's the

Danielle Boucree: 00:17:29

feelings we is. It unlocks

Danielle Boucree: 00:17:32

so much potential to connect with other human

Danielle Boucree: 00:17:35

beings, whether it's your kids, your parents, or even your

Danielle Boucree: 00:17:38

friends.

Anthony: 00:17:39

I like that because it's reminded me of, uh,

Anthony: 00:17:42

Maslow's hierarchy of needs, of, like,

Anthony: 00:17:45

do we need to make sure we

Anthony: 00:17:48

communicate? And the third tier is the love and

Anthony: 00:17:50

belonging. Like, are we really communicating

Anthony: 00:17:53

so that we can feel loved and belong? So,

Anthony: 00:17:56

for those of you who are new to the show, I used to be a

Anthony: 00:17:59

teacher for elementary students, so this

Anthony: 00:18:02

was part of the process.

Danielle Boucree: 00:18:04

Love it, love it. Ah, I'm here for

Danielle Boucree: 00:18:07

it.

Anthony: 00:18:08

Um, okay, so can you. I know before

Anthony: 00:18:11

we go further on, but I do want to at least bring up the

Anthony: 00:18:14

difference. I'm sure people are wondering, like, well, what's the difference between

Anthony: 00:18:17

a psychotherapist and a psychologist? Can you

Anthony: 00:18:20

kind of go a little bit detail about what

Anthony: 00:18:22

the differences?

Danielle Boucree: 00:18:24

Yeah, um, there

Danielle Boucree: 00:18:26

isn't a lot of difference in the practice

Danielle Boucree: 00:18:29

of a psychologist or a

Danielle Boucree: 00:18:31

psychotherapist. I went to school.

Danielle Boucree: 00:18:34

I got my master's in social work, clinical social

Danielle Boucree: 00:18:37

work. A psychologist obviously gets

Danielle Boucree: 00:18:40

a master's in psychology.

Danielle Boucree: 00:18:43

It's the classes, it's the academics, it's the

Danielle Boucree: 00:18:46

curriculum that has a little

Danielle Boucree: 00:18:49

bit of variance. But when it comes to the

Danielle Boucree: 00:18:52

practice between a psychologist

Danielle Boucree: 00:18:55

and a psychotherapist, in my case, social

Danielle Boucree: 00:18:57

worker, m. What we

Danielle Boucree: 00:19:00

can offer is very similar.

Anthony Weaver: 00:19:03

Right.

Danielle Boucree: 00:19:04

Because we go on. I mentioned earlier, you mentioned all the states

Danielle Boucree: 00:19:07

that I have licenses in. I was like, it just means I have a

Danielle Boucree: 00:19:10

lot of continued education. Um,

Danielle Boucree: 00:19:13

is that I continue to educate myself in

Danielle Boucree: 00:19:16

different ways to help my clients. And at the end of

Danielle Boucree: 00:19:19

the day, the psychologists are doing the same,

Danielle Boucree: 00:19:22

so we're very similar. It's the

Danielle Boucree: 00:19:23

psychiatrist that,

Danielle Boucree: 00:19:26

um, prescribes medication. And

Danielle Boucree: 00:19:29

so by function, they are different.

Danielle Boucree: 00:19:32

But me and a psychologist, we're pretty similar.

Anthony: 00:19:35

Okay, so, like, if they come to you first, and then they can go to, like,

Anthony: 00:19:38

a psychologist,

Anthony: 00:19:40

psychiatrist, psychiatrist to.

Danielle Boucree: 00:19:42

Get the medication if they need it.

Anthony: 00:19:45

If they need it. And you're actually there to help them out

Anthony: 00:19:48

before they need the medication.

Danielle Boucree: 00:19:52

Some people choose to start

Danielle Boucree: 00:19:54

medication and talk therapy at the same

Danielle Boucree: 00:19:57

time, and that's great.

Danielle Boucree: 00:20:00

Um, other people come to a talk therapist

Danielle Boucree: 00:20:03

first, um, and then to get an

Danielle Boucree: 00:20:06

idea of maybe what they're dealing with and whether or

Danielle Boucree: 00:20:08

not they need medication. Not everybody, you

Danielle Boucree: 00:20:11

know, wants to be on medication or is open to

Danielle Boucree: 00:20:14

taking medication. So that's something that we would talk through as

Danielle Boucree: 00:20:17

well.

Anthony: 00:20:18

Like, how do we build that confidence in

Anthony: 00:20:21

ourselves before we just go out and say, like, you know what, mom, stand on

Anthony: 00:20:24

my ground. This is the way it's going to be,

Anthony: 00:20:27

and this is the way how you're going to treat me going forward.

Danielle Boucree: 00:20:30

Yeah. Yeah. Confidence is a tricky

Danielle Boucree: 00:20:33

one because it is so ingrained in the way you

Danielle Boucree: 00:20:36

were raised, in your childhood experiences.

Danielle Boucree: 00:20:39

And as a psychodynamic

Danielle Boucree: 00:20:41

therapist, I really believe in the connection

Danielle Boucree: 00:20:44

between who we are today and

Danielle Boucree: 00:20:47

how we were raised and the people that influenced us. It all kind

Danielle Boucree: 00:20:50

of comes together. Um,

Danielle Boucree: 00:20:53

for confidence, we have to remember that

Danielle Boucree: 00:20:56

our feelings and our thoughts

Danielle Boucree: 00:20:59

are connected, and then

Danielle Boucree: 00:21:02

the culmination of that will determine our

Danielle Boucree: 00:21:05

behavior. So if I show up or

Danielle Boucree: 00:21:07

I behave as not confident, it's not because

Danielle Boucree: 00:21:10

I want to be. It is because

Danielle Boucree: 00:21:13

my thoughts, um,

Danielle Boucree: 00:21:16

are dictating how I feel.

Anthony Weaver: 00:21:19

Right.

Danielle Boucree: 00:21:20

So I often tell people, you've got a

Danielle Boucree: 00:21:22

journal. Journaling isn't a diary.

Danielle Boucree: 00:21:25

It's to reflect on the way you're feeling and what you're

Danielle Boucree: 00:21:28

thinking. And so if we're

Danielle Boucree: 00:21:30

really aware what we're

Danielle Boucree: 00:21:33

thinking, then we can change

Danielle Boucree: 00:21:36

that. You can't change the way we feel.

Anthony: 00:21:38

Right?

Anthony Weaver: 00:21:39

Right.

Danielle Boucree: 00:21:39

I feel what I feel. I feel what I feel when I feel it,

Danielle Boucree: 00:21:42

period. But.

Danielle Boucree: 00:21:45

But I can change with the way I'm thinking. So if I'm

Danielle Boucree: 00:21:48

thinking, um, if I'm, let's

Danielle Boucree: 00:21:51

say I walk into a party and I'm feeling

Danielle Boucree: 00:21:54

insecure, right? It's

Danielle Boucree: 00:21:57

probably because I'm thinking negative, something

Danielle Boucree: 00:21:59

negative about either the way I look

Danielle Boucree: 00:22:02

or maybe the confidence I have

Danielle Boucree: 00:22:05

in the way I interact with other people. Maybe I'm shy.

Danielle Boucree: 00:22:09

So I'm walking into the party already thinking I'm shy.

Danielle Boucree: 00:22:12

And the stress is terrible.

Danielle Boucree: 00:22:15

Of course I'm not going to come off as confident,

Danielle Boucree: 00:22:19

but if I change my mindset

Danielle Boucree: 00:22:21

and I'm like, okay, actually, this dress is everything.

Danielle Boucree: 00:22:26

And, you know, people like me. I

Danielle Boucree: 00:22:29

am likable, I'm funny, I'm all the things,

Danielle Boucree: 00:22:31

right? Then I'm walking and then holding my head high,

Danielle Boucree: 00:22:34

and I'm going to look more confident.

Danielle Boucree: 00:22:37

So it's all really connected to what I'm

Danielle Boucree: 00:22:40

thinking inside. And the only way

Danielle Boucree: 00:22:43

to really understand that is to

Danielle Boucree: 00:22:45

journal it or spend some time talking about it.

Anthony: 00:22:49

Okay. Yeah. Practice in the

Anthony: 00:22:52

dark before you bring it out to the light. I got you

Anthony: 00:22:54

facts.

Danielle Boucree: 00:22:55

Yes.

Anthony: 00:22:56

Um. Um. Because one of the things that we

Anthony: 00:22:59

have is anxiety. Um. Um.

Anthony: 00:23:02

Coming up when we don't know what to deal with our

Anthony: 00:23:05

parents, uh, um. As we getting older,

Anthony: 00:23:08

how do we. I mean, because you mentioned

Anthony: 00:23:11

communication earlier

Anthony: 00:23:14

and how to actually become

Anthony: 00:23:17

better communicators about our feelings. We, uh, talked about

Anthony: 00:23:20

communicating of, uh, you know, where they're going to stay,

Anthony: 00:23:23

how they're going to continue on to live. But

Anthony: 00:23:26

sometimes we just don't know. And how do

Anthony: 00:23:29

we kind of quiet down

Anthony: 00:23:32

anxiety? I'm not going to say we get rid of it because it could

Anthony: 00:23:35

never really get rid of it. But how can we quiet the

Anthony: 00:23:37

noise of the unknowns?

Danielle Boucree: 00:23:40

There are a couple of things. I mean, and for

Danielle Boucree: 00:23:43

everybody, it's different. But anxiety

Danielle Boucree: 00:23:46

kind of means we're allowing our brain to

Danielle Boucree: 00:23:50

be ten steps ahead of us.

Anthony Weaver: 00:23:54

Right.

Danielle Boucree: 00:23:55

And we're making up the ten steps,

Danielle Boucree: 00:23:58

like, because we don't know. And it's that unknown

Danielle Boucree: 00:24:01

that makes you feel so anxious.

Anthony Weaver: 00:24:04

Right.

Danielle Boucree: 00:24:05

And so the answer is not making it up.

Danielle Boucree: 00:24:08

The answer is not assuming, because most of the time when we

Danielle Boucree: 00:24:11

assume it's negative and we don't actually

Danielle Boucree: 00:24:14

know that that's what's going to happen. So the idea is

Danielle Boucree: 00:24:17

to reel it back in and stay present.

Anthony Weaver: 00:24:20

Right.

Danielle Boucree: 00:24:20

And so we talk about being present and being

Danielle Boucree: 00:24:23

mindful.

Anthony Weaver: 00:24:25

Right.

Danielle Boucree: 00:24:25

The more mindful activities you can

Danielle Boucree: 00:24:28

do, the better. And it doesn't always have to include a

Danielle Boucree: 00:24:31

yoga mat and, like, you know, a, uh, sound bath. Like, it

Danielle Boucree: 00:24:34

doesn't have to be that level. Can be, but it doesn't

Danielle Boucree: 00:24:37

have to be. Mindfulness can be in the form of,

Danielle Boucree: 00:24:39

like, a walk where you're present and you're not

Danielle Boucree: 00:24:42

on your phone, but you're looking at the birds and

Danielle Boucree: 00:24:45

the trees, and you're really paying attention to what's

Danielle Boucree: 00:24:48

right in front of you. There's this thing called mindful

Danielle Boucree: 00:24:51

eating, right. And I often describe it. It's like

Danielle Boucree: 00:24:54

if you eat an orange to actually be

Danielle Boucree: 00:24:57

present enough to recognize that when you

Danielle Boucree: 00:25:00

pierce the skin of an orange, it kind of makes a little

Danielle Boucree: 00:25:03

sound. If you can be that in tune

Danielle Boucree: 00:25:06

with that experience, then you know you're completely

Danielle Boucree: 00:25:09

present. So the more activities you can do in that

Danielle Boucree: 00:25:11

way, in general, the better.

Anthony Weaver: 00:25:14

Right.

Danielle Boucree: 00:25:15

The other thing is something we carry with us all the time,

Danielle Boucree: 00:25:18

and that's breathing.

Anthony Weaver: 00:25:20

Right.

Danielle Boucree: 00:25:21

We have to breathe. Thank you.

Danielle Boucree: 00:25:24

Not the iPhone. Thank you.

Anthony: 00:25:28

Yes, we do have to breathe.

Danielle Boucree: 00:25:29

Yes, we do have to breathe.

Danielle Boucree: 00:25:32

And so when you get

Danielle Boucree: 00:25:34

anxious, the heart rate goes up. Like,

Danielle Boucree: 00:25:37

physiologically, your heart rate goes up.

Danielle Boucree: 00:25:40

The only way to bring that down

Danielle Boucree: 00:25:43

is to do some deep breathing.

Anthony Weaver: 00:25:45

Right?

Danielle Boucree: 00:25:45

So a lot of people roll their eyes when you're, like, you have to breathe.

Danielle Boucree: 00:25:48

It's so true. Physiologically, that is

Danielle Boucree: 00:25:51

the way to take care of your body. And it's not like,

Danielle Boucree: 00:25:54

when I'm talking to hyperventilating, like, I'm not talking fast breathing,

Danielle Boucree: 00:25:57

I'm talking slow breathing.

Anthony Weaver: 00:25:59

Right.

Danielle Boucree: 00:25:59

In and out. I like to

Danielle Boucree: 00:26:02

count in, you know, terms of eight, like,

Danielle Boucree: 00:26:05

deep, deep inhale for eight

Danielle Boucree: 00:26:08

counts and out for eight counts.

Anthony: 00:26:11

Okay.

Danielle Boucree: 00:26:12

Not everybody. Yeah, it's, it's really slow,

Danielle Boucree: 00:26:15

right. Because you have to let it out a little bit at a time.

Danielle Boucree: 00:26:18

Um, and if your mind is focused on doing

Danielle Boucree: 00:26:21

that, then it really can't focus on

Danielle Boucree: 00:26:24

anxious thoughts.

Anthony Weaver: 00:26:25

Right.

Danielle Boucree: 00:26:26

So for a little while, you get a break, and you're really

Danielle Boucree: 00:26:29

taking the time to get that heart rate down

Danielle Boucree: 00:26:32

so that you can think, because with an elevated

Danielle Boucree: 00:26:35

heart rate, you're using the wrong part of your brain

Danielle Boucree: 00:26:38

and there's no rational thoughts going.

Danielle Boucree: 00:26:41

So we've got to make sure to get that in check.

Danielle Boucree: 00:26:44

You breathing?

Anthony: 00:26:45

Yeah, I was breathing. I was like, all right, let's count eight. It's,

Anthony: 00:26:47

like, harder than it thinks.

Anthony: 00:26:52

It's like, I do account in for three, out

Anthony: 00:26:55

for three.

Danielle Boucree: 00:26:57

That's your challenge for the week. Eight. Uh, I want you to get to

Danielle Boucree: 00:27:00

eight.

Anthony Weaver: 00:27:01

Okay.

Anthony: 00:27:02

And I'm going to do a recording on Instagram, so

Anthony: 00:27:05

y'all can account with me, too. So we're going to get it together.

Anthony: 00:27:09

All right. Uh, we got the third segment here, which is

Anthony: 00:27:12

the features. And this is about you.

Anthony: 00:27:15

So what skills or habits that you feel is going to

Anthony: 00:27:18

take you to the next level?

Anthony Weaver: 00:27:20

Hmm.

Danielle Boucree: 00:27:20

M. Well,

Danielle Boucree: 00:27:23

for me, it's about being. So this

Danielle Boucree: 00:27:26

is my second career.

Danielle Boucree: 00:27:29

Um, I was in corporate America in

Danielle Boucree: 00:27:32

marketing for a couple of decades.

Danielle Boucree: 00:27:35

So this, for me, is my

Danielle Boucree: 00:27:38

Danielle 2.0.

Danielle Boucree: 00:27:40

Um, so my version of success,

Danielle Boucree: 00:27:43

if you will, looks a little bit different, and it looks a lot

Danielle Boucree: 00:27:46

more like, um, like, personal joy.

Anthony Weaver: 00:27:50

Right.

Danielle Boucree: 00:27:50

So I focus a lot on the

Danielle Boucree: 00:27:53

things that bring me joy, even when I'm looking at, like, my

Danielle Boucree: 00:27:57

own personal finances.

Anthony Weaver: 00:27:59

Right.

Danielle Boucree: 00:27:59

Of course you're going to have, uh, you

Danielle Boucree: 00:28:02

know, mortgage and. And,

Danielle Boucree: 00:28:05

I don't know, even gas and all the bills that are like,

Danielle Boucree: 00:28:08

okay, I have to do this

Danielle Boucree: 00:28:10

adulting. Yeah, all that.

Danielle Boucree: 00:28:13

But there's this, like, notion of, like, I also need to be

Danielle Boucree: 00:28:16

happy. So even in my personal budget, I make sure

Danielle Boucree: 00:28:19

there are line items of me doing things

Danielle Boucree: 00:28:22

that bring me joy, right. Because if

Danielle Boucree: 00:28:25

I'm fulfilled and joyful,

Danielle Boucree: 00:28:28

then I can actually give my clients what they need,

Danielle Boucree: 00:28:31

right? If I'm drained, then I can't do that.

Danielle Boucree: 00:28:35

So it's about self care, really, at the

Danielle Boucree: 00:28:38

end of the day, um, for me, and

Danielle Boucree: 00:28:40

making sure that my priorities line up with my

Danielle Boucree: 00:28:43

actions.

Anthony: 00:28:45

Okay. I like that for you

Anthony: 00:28:48

because that's something that a lot of people do forget to

Anthony: 00:28:51

do and which is self care,

Anthony: 00:28:54

because like you said, you're now

Anthony: 00:28:56

rediscovering yourself. Since

Anthony: 00:28:59

everybody is out, it's like, yes,

Anthony: 00:29:02

gone. What does Danielle want to do? Like, do I want

Anthony: 00:29:05

to go, you know, party it up, stay,

Anthony: 00:29:07

uh, out to 09:00.

Danielle Boucree: 00:29:11

And it's a balance, right? Because there were things that I

Danielle Boucree: 00:29:14

liked to do when I was in my twenties, before I started having

Danielle Boucree: 00:29:17

kids. And I'm like, I m don't really want to do many

Danielle Boucree: 00:29:20

of those things anymore.

Danielle Boucree: 00:29:22

Going to the club is not. Not the answer.

Danielle Boucree: 00:29:26

So now I've got to venture out and try new

Danielle Boucree: 00:29:28

things.

Anthony: 00:29:29

Mhm.

Danielle Boucree: 00:29:29

But, you know, I just started boxing.

Anthony Weaver: 00:29:31

What?

Anthony: 00:29:32

Okay.

Danielle Boucree: 00:29:32

I know, I know.

Anthony: 00:29:34

How's that going?

Danielle Boucree: 00:29:34

Watch out. I love it.

Anthony Weaver: 00:29:37

I love it.

Danielle Boucree: 00:29:38

Such a release. And it, it. You have no choice but to

Danielle Boucree: 00:29:41

be present because you're like, literally punching. Right,

Danielle Boucree: 00:29:43

perfect.

Anthony: 00:29:44

Do you put like a target up there, like somebody's face and be

Anthony: 00:29:47

like, you know what?

Danielle Boucree: 00:29:49

In my head? Absolutely.

Anthony: 00:29:50

Okay.

Danielle Boucree: 00:29:55

Uh, I'm not going to tell you.

Anthony: 00:29:56

I know. Okay. You know what makes you

Anthony: 00:29:59

happy that day?

Danielle Boucree: 00:30:01

Yeah, exactly.

Anthony: 00:30:03

Personal. Boxing is personal.

Danielle Boucree: 00:30:06

Exactly.

Anthony: 00:30:08

Is there anything that you want to leave the audience before we

Anthony: 00:30:11

dive into the final four questions?

Danielle Boucree: 00:30:13

Yeah. Yeah, I do. So when

Danielle Boucree: 00:30:16

it comes to this taking care of aging

Danielle Boucree: 00:30:18

parents, I think there are four things that I want

Danielle Boucree: 00:30:21

everybody to remember. And, um, you know,

Danielle Boucree: 00:30:24

my practice is called hope psychotherapy, and

Danielle Boucree: 00:30:27

I've kind of lived with this foundation of

Danielle Boucree: 00:30:30

hope. So, of course I want you to remember

Danielle Boucree: 00:30:33

it from the acronym Hope. And

Danielle Boucree: 00:30:36

the h stands

Danielle Boucree: 00:30:38

for, um, healing wounds.

Anthony Weaver: 00:30:41

Right.

Danielle Boucree: 00:30:41

So when it comes to relationships with our parents,

Danielle Boucree: 00:30:44

sometimes they can be layered and complicated.

Anthony Weaver: 00:30:47

Right.

Danielle Boucree: 00:30:48

And so it's about having those very

Danielle Boucree: 00:30:51

honest but open conversations with our parents

Danielle Boucree: 00:30:54

to heal some of those wounds the way we need them to be healed

Danielle Boucree: 00:30:57

and without criticism or defensiveness.

Danielle Boucree: 00:31:00

Just honest, transparent conversations.

Anthony Weaver: 00:31:03

Right.

Danielle Boucree: 00:31:04

It goes a long way. And at their older

Danielle Boucree: 00:31:07

age, they may be more open to hearing

Danielle Boucree: 00:31:10

what we actually have to say.

Danielle Boucree: 00:31:12

Um, so that's the h. The o

Danielle Boucree: 00:31:15

is for open communication. And I can't stress

Danielle Boucree: 00:31:18

this more, both with our

Danielle Boucree: 00:31:20

parents, you know, and. But also

Danielle Boucree: 00:31:23

with our friends and family.

Anthony Weaver: 00:31:25

Right.

Danielle Boucree: 00:31:25

We've got to start talking about this stuff more. It's part of our

Danielle Boucree: 00:31:28

journey.

Anthony Weaver: 00:31:29

Right.

Danielle Boucree: 00:31:31

The p stands for preparedness.

Danielle Boucree: 00:31:34

Once you start getting that

Danielle Boucree: 00:31:36

feeling or those thoughts, whether it's with our

Danielle Boucree: 00:31:39

kids and they're like, getting into

Danielle Boucree: 00:31:42

high school and we're starting to think, oh, um, like,

Danielle Boucree: 00:31:44

they're about to leave, what are the 102 things

Danielle Boucree: 00:31:47

I need to teach them before they go? Like, once you start

Danielle Boucree: 00:31:50

getting that feeling, it is time to really start focusing

Danielle Boucree: 00:31:53

on the journey. But with our parents, it's

Danielle Boucree: 00:31:56

about being prepared. So financially,

Danielle Boucree: 00:31:59

there are costs that come with taking care of aging

Danielle Boucree: 00:32:02

parents that we've got a budget for. But it's also

Danielle Boucree: 00:32:04

having those conversations with our parents about what their needs

Danielle Boucree: 00:32:07

are and what their hopes are, um, for their last

Danielle Boucree: 00:32:10

days. So it's a lot of that.

Danielle Boucree: 00:32:13

And that needs to happen as soon as you start getting that ick feeling

Danielle Boucree: 00:32:16

of like something's changing with my mom or my dad.

Anthony: 00:32:19

Yeah.

Danielle Boucree: 00:32:20

Um, and the e is

Danielle Boucree: 00:32:23

for that emotional acceptance.

Anthony Weaver: 00:32:27

Right.

Danielle Boucree: 00:32:27

To really. Because this is. I

Danielle Boucree: 00:32:30

posted something the other day, um, that talked

Danielle Boucree: 00:32:33

about, like, when we, when we have infants

Danielle Boucree: 00:32:36

and we're exhausted, right. We know that

Danielle Boucree: 00:32:38

it's going to get better and that's a growth. That means our kids are

Danielle Boucree: 00:32:41

growing and they're becoming more dependent, independent,

Danielle Boucree: 00:32:44

rather. And everything is good when

Danielle Boucree: 00:32:47

we are dealing with the exhaustion that comes with taking

Danielle Boucree: 00:32:50

care of our parents. What

Danielle Boucree: 00:32:52

we know is coming is loss,

Danielle Boucree: 00:32:56

and with loss comes grief, and that's hard.

Anthony Weaver: 00:32:59

Right.

Danielle Boucree: 00:32:59

But we've got to feel what we feel when we feel it.

Anthony Weaver: 00:33:02

Right?

Danielle Boucree: 00:33:02

You can't just dismiss those feelings. You really got to lean

Danielle Boucree: 00:33:05

into them and accept them for what they are and

Danielle Boucree: 00:33:08

journal. So those are my four.

Danielle Boucree: 00:33:11

Those are my four tips, if you will.

Anthony: 00:33:13

Love it. Yeah. Definitely have to

Anthony: 00:33:16

make sure that we bring this up,

Anthony: 00:33:19

uh, in ourselves, in our daily communication, uh,

Anthony: 00:33:22

with everybody. I think that's great.

Danielle Boucree: 00:33:24

Thank you.

Anthony: 00:33:25

Are you ready for the final four questions?

Danielle Boucree: 00:33:27

Absolutely.

Anthony: 00:33:29

All right,

Anthony: 00:33:34

number one, what does wealth mean to

Anthony: 00:33:37

you?

Danielle Boucree: 00:33:40

For me, um, wealth is being able to live

Danielle Boucree: 00:33:43

my life aligned with my actual

Danielle Boucree: 00:33:45

values, um, and

Danielle Boucree: 00:33:48

priorities without fear,

Danielle Boucree: 00:33:50

without concern of my own, like security

Danielle Boucree: 00:33:53

and safety.

Anthony: 00:33:55

Number two, what was your worst

Anthony: 00:33:58

money mistake?

Danielle Boucree: 00:34:01

I think my worst money mistake is

Danielle Boucree: 00:34:03

probably, um, and I still struggle with it, to

Danielle Boucree: 00:34:06

be honest with you. It is trying to

Danielle Boucree: 00:34:09

do too much at the same time.

Anthony Weaver: 00:34:11

M right.

Danielle Boucree: 00:34:12

Whether it's spending or paying off

Danielle Boucree: 00:34:15

debt, it's like,

Danielle Boucree: 00:34:18

I tend to.

Anthony Weaver: 00:34:20

Right.

Danielle Boucree: 00:34:20

If I have, like, three credit cards, I might put like

Danielle Boucree: 00:34:23

100 on each. Right. And

Danielle Boucree: 00:34:26

so they're eventually all going down, but really

Danielle Boucree: 00:34:29

slowly, as opposed to just focusing in on one and getting it

Danielle Boucree: 00:34:31

done.

Anthony: 00:34:32

Yeah.

Danielle Boucree: 00:34:33

And so it's that. It's that focus

Danielle Boucree: 00:34:35

on mini, um, goals, if you

Danielle Boucree: 00:34:38

will, that I struggle with just being

Danielle Boucree: 00:34:41

able to do that.

Anthony: 00:34:43

Yeah, we can, uh, dive into that later.

Anthony: 00:34:46

That's great.

Anthony: 00:34:49

Number three, what is your

Anthony: 00:34:52

favorite financial or non financial

Anthony: 00:34:55

book?

Danielle Boucree: 00:34:56

Okay, so I think I have two. Okay,

Danielle Boucree: 00:34:59

so I cheated, but,

Danielle Boucree: 00:35:02

um, one is crush. Ah, your money goals by

Danielle Boucree: 00:35:05

Bernadette joy, um,

Danielle Boucree: 00:35:08

because her program, the way she lays

Danielle Boucree: 00:35:11

it out, is so, um,

Danielle Boucree: 00:35:13

simple, but it also has helped me

Danielle Boucree: 00:35:16

transform my financial habits in a

Danielle Boucree: 00:35:19

way that feels really good.

Danielle Boucree: 00:35:21

There you go. It's upside down, but yes. There you go.

Danielle Boucree: 00:35:25

Yes. Um.

Anthony: 00:35:27

Oh, it is upside down.

Danielle Boucree: 00:35:28

It is upside down. There she goes. There she goes.

Danielle Boucree: 00:35:32

Um, and then my other one is actually a

Danielle Boucree: 00:35:35

book that was given to me, um, a couple of months

Danielle Boucree: 00:35:38

ago called happy money,

Danielle Boucree: 00:35:41

and it's by Ken Honda.

Danielle Boucree: 00:35:44

And in this book, he

Danielle Boucree: 00:35:47

describes so well the difference between

Danielle Boucree: 00:35:49

happy money and unhappy money. So what I

Danielle Boucree: 00:35:52

talked about earlier about, like, rent, mortgage, all those

Danielle Boucree: 00:35:55

things that. The adulting expenses.

Danielle Boucree: 00:35:58

Right. That's the unhappy money.

Anthony Weaver: 00:36:00

Right.

Danielle Boucree: 00:36:00

But the happy money is that stuff that brings me joy, the

Danielle Boucree: 00:36:03

stuff that I can afford to

Danielle Boucree: 00:36:06

do and put in my budget, that

Danielle Boucree: 00:36:09

brings me joy and fulfillment as a human.

Danielle Boucree: 00:36:12

And so. So I can't lose. Can't lose

Danielle Boucree: 00:36:15

that, uh, connection to the happy money as

Danielle Boucree: 00:36:18

well.

Anthony: 00:36:19

Yeah. Um, because I gave undo book

Anthony: 00:36:22

giveaways just about every quarter. And so Bernadette

Anthony: 00:36:25

Joy's book was recent. That's why I had a book.

Danielle Boucree: 00:36:28

I love it.

Anthony: 00:36:29

And. But happy money, I would definitely look into

Anthony: 00:36:32

giving that book away as well. It looks really

Anthony: 00:36:34

cool.

Danielle Boucree: 00:36:35

Yeah, yeah. Good.

Anthony: 00:36:38

All right, number four, what is your

Anthony: 00:36:41

favorite dish to make?

Danielle Boucree: 00:36:43

Okay, so kind of no surprise here. So

Danielle Boucree: 00:36:46

the no surprise part is the why.

Danielle Boucree: 00:36:50

So I have to say I love to bake,

Danielle Boucree: 00:36:53

but when we talk about food, food, my

Danielle Boucree: 00:36:56

favorite dish to make is lasagna.

Danielle Boucree: 00:36:59

And yes, I love italian food, but it's mostly

Danielle Boucree: 00:37:02

because of the process.

Anthony Weaver: 00:37:04

Right.

Danielle Boucree: 00:37:05

It takes time to layer

Danielle Boucree: 00:37:07

everything together, and it's just the

Danielle Boucree: 00:37:10

process that is mindful.

Anthony Weaver: 00:37:12

Right.

Danielle Boucree: 00:37:13

I kind of have to focus and do it. Right.

Danielle Boucree: 00:37:16

I do tend to go heavy on the meat, lower on the cheese,

Danielle Boucree: 00:37:18

but that's okay. You do?

Anthony Weaver: 00:37:20

You.

Anthony: 00:37:20

Right.

Anthony Weaver: 00:37:21

Um.

Danielle Boucree: 00:37:21

Um, but I

Danielle Boucree: 00:37:23

I enjoy the process, which is probably why I enjoy

Danielle Boucree: 00:37:26

baking, too. It's the. The measuring and putting together.

Anthony: 00:37:29

Awesome. Um, well, yeah, I

Anthony: 00:37:32

mean, I have to try that, uh, uh, that lasagna out

Anthony: 00:37:35

one day. You're like, hey, I

Anthony: 00:37:38

got an empty stomach.

Danielle Boucree: 00:37:40

I know. I made you a little something.

Anthony: 00:37:43

That's the self care that need happen.

Danielle Boucree: 00:37:46

Self care lasagna. I love it. It's a thing.

Anthony: 00:37:48

Yeah. Uh,

Anthony: 00:37:51

the last question of the show, which is, where

Anthony: 00:37:54

can we find out more about you?

Danielle Boucree: 00:37:56

Sure. So I have a website.

Danielle Boucree: 00:37:59

It's called, um,

Danielle Boucree: 00:38:00

myhopestation.com.

Danielle Boucree: 00:38:03

um, and my clinical practice is on there, but we also have events

Danielle Boucree: 00:38:06

and workshops, um, that I promote there. You can also

Danielle Boucree: 00:38:09

sign up for my newsletter on that website.

Danielle Boucree: 00:38:12

Um, I have a bi weekly newsletter

Danielle Boucree: 00:38:15

that has, um, it has things

Danielle Boucree: 00:38:18

for couples, it has things for, um,

Danielle Boucree: 00:38:20

individuals, and, uh, a review of journal

Danielle Boucree: 00:38:24

prompts. A lot of people don't journal because they're like, I don't know what to

Danielle Boucree: 00:38:26

write. So I help with that as well. And

Danielle Boucree: 00:38:29

then on my instagram, which is

Danielle Boucree: 00:38:32

I hope station as well,

Danielle Boucree: 00:38:35

is, uh, every Thursday I

Danielle Boucree: 00:38:37

do, I give you a journal prompt to just help you

Danielle Boucree: 00:38:40

out a little bit to get through proper

Danielle Boucree: 00:38:43

reflection on some key topics.

Anthony: 00:38:46

Thank you so much for coming on the show today,

Anthony: 00:38:49

Danielle. Greatly appreciating learning all

Anthony: 00:38:52

of the things that you have going on.

Anthony: 00:38:55

And, you know, I'm sorry, they didn't even give a

Anthony: 00:38:58

proper title. Doctor Danielle, that's okay.

Danielle Boucree: 00:39:00

That's, um.

Anthony: 00:39:02

And, you know, I appreciate everything that you're doing

Anthony: 00:39:05

for, not just for your clients, but also for the

Anthony: 00:39:08

community and continuously bringing

Anthony: 00:39:11

on new ways to kind of help us, uh, build

Anthony: 00:39:14

confidence, not just our money, but

Anthony: 00:39:17

beyond in our self care. So I just want to

Anthony: 00:39:20

say thank you.

Danielle Boucree: 00:39:21

Thank you.

Anthony: 00:39:22

And this for the audience for you guys are listening. If you got

Anthony: 00:39:25

anything wonderful out of this particular episode,

Anthony: 00:39:28

please make sure you go ahead on and, like, subscribe, share on

Anthony: 00:39:31

all of your social media platforms. And

Anthony: 00:39:34

if you're brand new to the show, again, I just want to say thank

Anthony: 00:39:37

you and go ahead on and subscribe. And you can also

Anthony: 00:39:40

subscribe to my newsletter at aboutthat

Anthony: 00:39:43

wallet newsletter. All right,

Anthony: 00:39:45

everybody, we out. Peace.

Anthony: 00:39:49

Bye.